


Back to the Start

by superherogrl



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Frottage, M/M, Minor Character Death, Original Character Death(s), Puppy Love, Shower Sex, Teenaged bones, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:55:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 41,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28053513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superherogrl/pseuds/superherogrl
Summary: On an away mission to an undiscovered planet Chekov and Bones come across an impossible orb. When Pavel comes in contact with the orb, he is transported back in time to Georgia where he meets a teenaged Leonard McCoy.Is Pavel changing McCoy's past or creating a new reality? One thing is certain, time isn't on Pavel's side.
Relationships: Pavel Chekov/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 38
Kudos: 27





	1. Lost in Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a long fic, I'll update the tags as I update.

Dr. McCoy was sitting on a large rock with a sour look on his face. Since the doctor often looked like that, Pavel paid him little mind and went back to studying the read outs of the planet they were on. There had been a strange life reading on the surface in the general location they were now. The signature of this particular signal seemed almost humanoid. After several attempts to contact there was no answer, hence the current search party, with a doctor just incase. Pavel had watched with barely contained mirth as the Captain told the Doctor where he was sending him. Though he didn’t wish the older man to be so troubled, every time he had occasion to say ‘damnit Jim!’ it made Pavel laugh.

He looked at the older man again, this time he was holding his face in his hands, broad shoulders slumped. _Oh_ , Pavel thought _that wouldn’t do_. Pavel came to stand opposite of him.

“Doctor? Are you okay?” The older man’s head snapped up at being address. 

“What? Oh, I’ll be fine as soon as we find the signal and get the hell out of here.” He grumped. Even though knew better, Pavel couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him.

“I would have thought you would be happy to be off the ship.” Pavel jumped a little on the spot. “Some nice solid ground? I think you hurt Mr. Scott`s feelings every time you call the ship a ‘tin can.’.” McCoy snorted.

“Yeah, well he’s a little too personal with his ‘silver lady’, anyway.” He said doing a bad impression of the chief engineer’s Scottish brogue. It made Pavel laugh and he decided to take a seat near-by. He hadn’t heard the doctor joke much. “I don’t see how useful I am on these missions unless one of ya gets hurt. Which you better not!” He intoned seriously. “A nurse should do this.” He said staring at his boots.

“You think this beneath you?” Pavel couldn’t help but feel let down that the doctor could think that way.

“What? Of course not, nurses just have a more iron will than surgeons do. Better bedside manner too if we find someone.” Pavel regarded the grumpy southern doctor for a moment. “What?” He said after the moment stretched too long.

“You have the strangest way of complimenting someone.” Pavel said finally with a wry smile.

“Well…I don’t know if that was complimentary…don’t you have something to measure?” McCoy struggled with how to respond.

“Sorry,” Pavel offered, “I just…I know you don’t like me very much. I thought perhaps we could get to know each other better. I’m an adult now.” It was true Pavel had turned 18 nearly two months ago. 

“You think I don’t like you?” McCoy was looking at him head on now, brow furrowed. “It’s not…it’s not that I don’t like you.” He continued without waiting for an answer.

“It is something though?” Pavel said after a long moment. He knew the doctor had always looked at him differently than the others. He assumed it was just his age; that the doctor only saw him as a child, but perhaps he was wrong. 

Before either of them could continue all of the scanners started beeping, even McCoy’s medical scanner.  
“Is that it?” He asked Pavel as the both stood. 

“Yes, come.” He waved the two engineers that accompanied them over so he could look at their scanners. Pavel quickly took in the information and preformed the quicker calculations in his head. “That way!” He pointed the opposite direction of the white star that lit the planet and the group set off in that direction. Soon they came upon a strange depression in the ground. A perfectly round hole about two meters deep and four times that in diameter. Because of the dusty beige color of the terrain and the yellowish orange hue of the sky, it was almost invisible until you were right on top of it.

“What is that?” One of the engineers asked. He was speaking of what lie in the hole. In the center hovering just off the ground. It was hard to determine an exact size or shape of it as it was giving off a light that seemed to blur it’s edges. It also seemed to be casting shadows, but they were not consistent with any light source and were moving all the time. Even though it was hovering in the air there was something about the look of it that seemed heavy. Whatever it was it looked impossible. Pavel was overjoyed at the find. He moved to jump down in to the depression. McCoy put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Careful, that thing could be dangerous!”

“Isn’t that why you’re here? To fix us if we hurt ourselves?” He replied impishly.

“Great just what I need, another Jim Kirk.” He glowered, but moved to follow Pavel anyway.

“Such strange compliments.”

“That was not a compliment!” Pavel giggled at the Doctor’s insistence. McCoy got his own scanner out and tried scanning the impossible thing.

“What does it say?”

“I don’t know, honestly it just makes it look like my scanner’s broken.” He grumbled. Pavel felt more than saw a subtle change in the thing as they moved around it, he got out his scanner and found readings that would usually lead him to believe that his equipment too was broken.

“Does it …does it look like it’s reaching out?” Pavel thought he saw something reach out, both like a solid mass, but also like a trick of the light. McCoy didn’t answer. Pavel finally looked at his face and found that he was staring deeply into the center of the impossible thing. “Doctor?” Pavel moved forward slowly and carefully, he thought it was best not to come into contact with this thing. The Doctor was still unresponsive, his eyes transfixed on the thing that was definitely moving toward him now. 

Everything happened very quickly then, as if in a single moment. McCoy reached his hand out, the thing also reached out. Pavel pushed the doctor out of the way and the thing touched him instead. There was a sharp pinch on his arm and then a weightless nothing for his entire being. Pavel opened his eyes not remembering closing them. He looked up at a familiar blue sky. He was lying down now He moved his hands over green grass. 

He sat up quickly. There was a yellow star shinning down on him. Everything was too familiar, but he couldn’t believe his eyes. It was impossible. He grabbed his scanner. Every reading told him what his eyes and heart already knew. 

He was on Earth. 

He stood to look around, now that he took in his surroundings properly he saw all the signs of a near-by suburb. Where on Earth was he? He grabbed his communicator and waited for it to connect to the wireless signal. When it did it was easy to get a GPS location. Outside Atlanta, Georgia, USA, Earth. _Georgia?_ The impossible thing was connected to the Doctor somehow. Perhaps he had been homesick and …that thing had somehow transported him to Earth? No that was insane.

“Enterprise?” He tried calling the ship even knowing he was too far out of range. No response. Fine he could at least contact Starfleet here on Earth and try to explain what happened. Then he could contact the ship. They were probably very worried about him. He couldn’t get a signal to Starfleet, that was odd. He had a standard issue communicator which should immediately connect to any and all Starfleet bases. 

Pavel wiped at his face. He was quickly realizing Georgia was too hot. He stripped off his command gold and rolled up the sleeves of his undershirt. He needed to find some shade or preferably a building with air conditioning. He walked to a near-by restrant. He took a moment to enjoy the cool air and mopped at his face with his uniform shirt.

“How can I help you today?” A cheery blond woman greeted him from behind the counter.

“Oh, I’m afraid I’m a little lost.” Pavel chuckled unsure if he should tell anyone just how lost. “I just need to get out of the heat.”

“You’re not exactly dressed for Georgia in June that’s for sure! There’s a place just ‘round the corner here where you can get some shorts and a t-shirt.” She said helpfully.

“June?” Pave was _very_ sure that is was October on Earth.

“Yeah…” She said, helpfulness turning to concern. “You okay, hon? Maybe you should sit down.”

“I’m …I’m fine.” Pavel choked out. He looked down at his communicator again to check the date. June 30th 2245. That couldn’t be right. It was October 2259. Perhaps this was just a grand hallucination and he was really just knocked unconscious during the mission. _No, why would I hallucinate a place I have never been?_ Pavel could feel he was working himself into a panic. He needed to get to the nearest Starfleet base. Yes, they would know what to do…or they would think he was crazy. Pavel stumbled back out of the building. He was wringing his uniform shirt in his hands, his head was spinning with too many thoughts at once for him to catch one.

He collided hard with someone on the sidewalk and fell over. He found himself staring up at the blue sky in a daze once more.

“Whoa! Are you aright?” The face of a dark haired boy about his age filled his vision.

“I…I don’t know.” The boy held his hand out to help Pavel up.

“Did you hit your head?” The boy asked in a thick southern accent.

“No, I’m just…” Distressed, lost in time…dying? “Not sure what to do.” Pavel was pulled to his feet by the other boy, who was a little taller than him. Worry colored his face and strong hands steadied him. If he had been less distressed he would have noted the familiarity of the voice and the hand on his shoulder, but Pavel was still very much panicking at his current predicament.

“Do you have somewhere to go? Are you visiting someone?”

“I…No I have no one, no where to go.” Pavel stared at the crumpled uniform shirt in his hand. He hadn’t meant to speak such a devastating truth aloud. Without contact with the Enterprise he could only hope that the crew was now working on a way to bring him back. “I am on my own.” The taller boy was still touching his shoulder, _too warm in this summer heat_. “It’s too hot here.” The other boy chuckled. Pavel looked at him properly then. He had dark eyes and hair, a tiny bit of an upturned nose and full lips. He was quite handsome with a sweet smile.

“Well, I’m sure mamma won’t mind if I invited a friend over for sweet tea and dinner. We have AC.” The way the boy said sweet tea made Pavel feel like he had heard it before, but he was too focused on getting shelter and food to guess where.

“That would be very nice of you.”

“No problem! My truck’s right over there.”

“Thank you, my name is Pavel by the way. Sorry for running into you before.”

“Don’t worry about it Pavel. I’m Leonard.” Pavel stopped as he was being escorted to the vehicle. He supposed he swooned a little in the sun from the surprise, because Leonard’s hands where on him again, steading and guiding him to his truck where he put the AC on full blast. The drive and the introductions were a bit of a blur as Pavel’s mind could do nothing but scream that this was Dr. McCoy. These were his parents and this was his childhood home.


	2. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pavel gets to know Leonard a little better.

Pavel sighed into the cool water of the shower. He felt like he was holding that in since the impossible thing reached out to the Doctor. The planet felt like years ago. _14 years in the future_ his mind supplied unhelpfully. He tried to focus on the running water and how good it felt on his heated skin. Some problems where better solved when one was not thinking about them consciously, and boy did Pavel have problems. He traveled through time and space. He had no hope of returning without the work of his friends on the ship. He was in direct contact with someone he already knew and had to watch what he said so as to not change the past. He massaged soap into his scalp trying to put it all out of his mind.

The McCoy’s were very friendly, they had given him something to eat and allowed him to clean up a little. They didn’t pry too much, but were obviously interested in finding out about their guest. Pavel had tried to be vague about what had brought him to Atlanta, but if he spent too much longer here he would have to tell them something. He rinsed himself off and just stood under the water for a few moments, he was actually starting to get cold from it. He got out and toweled off. 

Now that his head was clearer he chastised himself for not recognizing Leonard right away. The accent was a little thicker and he didn’t have quite the same bulk that he would in the future, but it was unmistakably the doctor. Pavel hoped he was not caught staring at dinner. It was surreal to see the older man like this. The younger McCoy smiled more and Pavel couldn’t help, but think of how attractive he was.

“Aye, aye, aye.” He breathed out softly. Pavel didn’t _have_ problems he was a problem dipped in problem sauce.

“Pavel?” There was a soft knock at the door.

“Yes?” He cracked it open to reveal McCoy.

“I thought these might be more comfortable than what you were wearing.” He offered up a t-shirt and board shorts.

“Thank you, yes this will be better.” Pavel took the clothes and Leonard smiled. <>iGod Pavel thought _if he smiled like that on the Enterprise everyone would have a crush on him instead of the captain_.

Pavel dressed quickly, the clothes he realized must have been McCoy’s own. He looked at himself in the mirror, he didn’t know what he could do to prepare for what was next. There was not Star fleet manual for time travel.

He found Leonard in what he supposed was his bedroom.

“Hey, you feelin’ better?” 

“Yes, much! Thank you for everything. I don’t know what I would do if I hadn’t run into you.”

“What was the plan, anyway? You don’t even have a change of clothes.”

“I…I am waiting for my friends.”

“Some friends.” Leonard snorted derisively, crossing his arms over his chest. Pavel was taken aback by how much like his older self he looked in that moment.

“I’m not sure if there’re coming for me now.”

“Hey, I talked to my dad…if you need a place to stay, we have a spare room.” Leonard shrugged and looked down toward the floor, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. This Leonard he would need to get used to; the difference between the rough doctor and this sweet teenager was very apparent.

“That is very kind, but…I can’t impose on you like that.” Pavel didn’t know where else he could go, but it was surely more of a sticky situation if he stayed, right?

“Come on, where else are you going to go?” Leonard was too perceptive. Or maybe it’s Pavel’s poor poker face. “My parents like you. My mom thinks you’re sweet. Really it’s no trouble.” He was leaning against the door frame watching him with a little smirk. 

“Well, I wouldn’t want to be rude.” Pavel finally answered back.

“Cool, you want to play a game?” Leonard gestured behind him.

“Sure what do you have?” When he started to list off some names Pavel realized his mistake. Those were all old games he didn’t know. “Um, I guess just whichever you like.” He hedged.

“Oh, do you not have these in Russia?”

“I…”He didn’t play any of these because he’s currently three and not even big enough to hold the controller he was being offered, “I was too busy studying I guess.”

“Are you in University already?”

“Finished actually.”

“Finished? What are you, some kind of genius?”

“Yes.” Pavel made himself comfortable on Leonard’s bed facing the vid screen waiting for him to pick something.

“Well…McCoy’s don’t back down from a challenge.” He said, more rakishly that Pavel had ever heard.

“I’m beginning to like McCoy’s, I think.” He smiled as Leonard settled in next to him for their game.

When Pavel found himself in a pair of borrowed sleep pants in the guest bed he realized that his evening spent playing with Leonard had done the job of keeping his mind off of his situation. He decided that the only thing he could do was wait. If waiting meant spending more time with this McCoy perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad.


	3. New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard invites Pavel to a friend's pool party, Pavel gets anxious about changing past events.

Pavel woke to a quiet house momentarily forgetting where he was and why. His predicament was not just a bad dream. He heard someone moving outside his door. He stood at the edge of the hallway and watched Mr. McCoy dashing out the door, for work Pavel assumed. Leonard did look a little like his father, but he had his mother’s dark eyes. Pavel thought to the older Leonard and realized he looked like a mix of them both. Pavel stood there lost in thought for a few moments. 

“Morning.” Came a cheery voice behind him. He turned around to see Leonard’s Mother standing there, still dressed in pajamas.

“Mrs. McCoy! Good Morning.” He stood awkwardly for a moment, “Sorry I wasn’t sure what to do.”

“Yeah, it’s always awkward being in a strange house, isn’t it?” She smiled warmly at him and moved to the kitchen. “you hungry? We have cereal.” She started to move about the kitchen. 

“Usually I run in the mornings.” He said wistfully. Looking at his uniform boots sitting neatly with the rest of the family's shoes next to the door. Technically he could run in them, but he really didn’t want to.

“Well, I’d offer you a pair of Len’s, but those all stink to high heaven. Probably end up passing out again.”

“Mom!” Leonard himself appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Pavel chuckled at his mothers joke and the other boy’s bedhead. He was adorably rumpled, Pavel thought.

“You know what your feet smell like, I’m not going to sugar coat it for ya.” Mrs. McCoy retorted. He was beginning to see how much the Doctor he knew took after his mother. It surprised him a little.

“My feet are not that bad.” Leonard grumbled softly to Pavel.

“Yes, I assumed she was speaking in hyperbole.” Pavel answered still chuckling to himself. Leonard pulled out a bowl and some surprisingly sugary cereal.

“What kind of trouble you plannin’ on getting into today?” Mrs. McCoy asked her son.

“Toby’s mom said we could use their pool. You want to come, Pav?” Leonard asked, but was pointedly looking at his cereal. The bashfulness of the younger McCoy was in stark contrast to the very direct Doctor he knew. Usually Pavel only heard him giving orders…or complaining about space. He found that little bit of shyness endearing.

“I don’t have a swimsuit.”

“We can find you one.” Leonard insisted.

“I haven’t been swimming in a while. I’m sure it will feel nice today.” Pavel answered brightly.

“Great!” Leonard gave him another beautiful smile. 

Toby’s house was on the other side of the city so they had to drive. Pavel quickly was introduced to the four other teens. Toby was taller than Leonard with long hair pulled back into a pony-tail, then there was Zaharah, a small girl from another planet, her skin had a faint iridescent pink hue. Her boyfriend was Payton, a muscled black boy with short dreadlocks, and last there was Livonia, an earth girl with long dark brown hair and a very excitable demeanor. They were all as welcoming of Pavel as Leonard had been, it was wonderful to just get to hang around people his own age for once. The pool was quite nice and he was happy to play their games. He learned that Zaharah could hold her breath for 20 minutes underwater after he worried about her during a game of Marco Polo. Toby was quite interested in Pavel’s knowledge of starship engineering, Pavel was usually happy to talk about those kind of things, but he found it a little stressful trying to make sure not to mention any technology that was too modern. Payton was on the wrestling team and said he and Pavel should go for a run together.

“Yeah, maybe your ass should come with us.” Payton nudged Leonard, who was sitting on the edge of the pool drinking some flavored water Toby’s mother had offered them.

“What? It’s off season. I’m fine.”

“Off season?” Pavel asked.

“My boy plays basketball, but he doesn’t train in the off season, which is why he isn’t going to get to play college ball.” Payton explained in a slightly taunting fashion.

“I don’t need to play in college, I’m gonna be too busy acing all my classes.” He bragged, It made Pavel giggle. “I mean I’m no genius, but…” 

“Being a genius is overrated, Leo.” Pavel replied, “I’m sure you will be good at whatever you study.” Pavel wasn’t sure if he had decided on the medical field yet. Having a knowledge of the future was really starting to hurt his head.

“Oooooh, Leo?” Toby said.

“Yeah, what do you think, Leo?” Livonia joined in. Pavel realized he had given Leonard a nickname. Honestly, he was just relieved that he hadn’t slipped up and called him Doctor yet.

“Oh, I’m sorry! Leo is diminutive of Leonard in Russia.”

“Yeah, Leo’s alright.” He said still bashful, but grinning. Pavel smiled back. It took him a moment to realize   
that Leo was flirting with him, and that Pavel was flirting back. Dread washed over his head and down his spine like ice water. _No, he couldn’t flirt with the Doctor! Leo was not his! He would be married to a woman in a few years! Was she Livonia?_ Pavel couldn’t remember if he had learned his ex-wife’s name, or if they had met in high school. The Doctor would be a father in a few short years! Pavel couldn’t do anything to alter that! If he even delayed events with his presence he couldn’t fathom the repercussions that would have on Leo’s life. _No, not Leo! Dr. McCoy!_ His panic must have shown on his face because Leo was at his side in worry.

“You okay?” Strong arms braced him.

“I am…I have a headache, I think.”

“We should get him out of the sun. He’s not used to this weather.”

“Yeah, we should go inside and get something to eat anyway.” Toby said, and Pavel was being dragged out of the pool and into the house. Leo sat him down and started to towel him dry.

“Just sit and relax. Are you dizzy?” McCoy's older counter part flashed in his mind when he asked about his wellbeing. _He just likes taking care of you.._

“I’m fine, really.” Pavel insisted. “Just…hungry, I guess.” He added, remembering what Toby had said.

“Well, that we can fix. You just sit tight.” Leonard moved, presumably to get Pavel something to eat. 

Toby’s mother also fussed over Pavel after learning they had to bring him inside because of possible heat stroke symptoms. Once everyone deemed him recovered they continued their afternoon in the cool basement instead of out in the sun. Pavel tried his best to be very interested in Leo’s friends, which he was. They were interested in learning about him too. Asking him where he grew up, where he went to school, _when_ he went to college. He tried to stick to the truth for the most part, though he couldn’t tell them he went to Starfleet. He simply told them the name of the school he would have gone to if hadn’t been accepted to the academy. He also gave them the last name Lenik, his mother’s maiden name. It seemed safer than his own. 

He still ended up learning a lot about Leo from his friends. He was a straight A student, and belonged to a couple of the ‘clubs’ as they called them, but Pavel didn’t understand what that meant. He also leaned that like his older self, his friends would cause trouble, “Friend’s plural? Yeah, I think you just mean you Pay.” And that Leo begrudgingly went along. He learned what kind of music he liked, and that there were a few movies, mostly action ‘classics’ to Pavel’s mind, that he could quote word for word. Then of course he learned from Livonia,

“Oh my god you cried like a baby when they mentioned taking a shuttle!” She was giggling as Leo’s face got red from embarrassment.

“I was not, you’re such a liar!”

“You’re afraid of flying?” Pavel asked as if this were new information to him.

“A little.” He mumbled.

“A little?” Toby exclaimed, “You had to take a train to the Grand Canyon because you were too afraid! It takes soooo much longer!”

“When was that?” Pavel asked.

“Last year!” Livonia chimed back in.

“Ya`ll`r jerks.” Leo grumbled, his accent becoming very thick.

“Come on, you know we love you.” Payton said slinging his arm around Leo. Pavel smiled.

“You don’t have to fly if you don’t want to.” He reassured him.

“Yeah, you’re our most grounded friend.” Came Zaharah’s soft airy voice.

“Really? You’re supposed to be the nice one.” Leo balked.

“I don’t remember agreeing to that.” When they finally left, Pavel felt a little better than he had. Perhaps he was overreacting to how much Leonard like him.

“So did you have fun?”

“Yes, you’re friends are very nice! I like them.”

“Good. You just...you said all your friends were older than you so I didn’t know if you’d like hanging out with us.”

“Not at all! I mean…I have older friends because of my studies. I didn’t have a lot of chances to spend time with other teenagers. It was good. Thank you.”

“That’s good to hear, they liked you too. If you want to …stick around...”

“I might not have a choice about staying I … can’t really return home right now.” Pavel thought longingly of the Enterprise and his friends.

“Oh, Why can’t you go home? If it’s a money thing, we can figure something out.” Pavel took a moment to regard Leo. He, of course, thought home to Pavel meant Russia. He wanted so badly to help, and Pavel couldn’t think what he had done to inspire such a response from a stranger except that it was maybe just Leo’s nature to want to fix problems.

“It’s…It’s complicated. I’m sorry I can’t really explain it.”

“That’s okay you don’t have to, and not like you’re not welcome to stay.” Leo hurriedly stammered. “I mean we’re not going to kick you out or anything.” Pavel chuckled.

“Thank you. I… you’ve made me feel very welcome. It means a lot to me.” Leo smiled at him again, the one that made butterflies dance in Pavel’s stomach. He would try his best not to give in to those butterflies or the kind boy he met in the past. He couldn’t risk changing the Doctor's life.


	4. Stuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pavel tries to make the best of his situation.

The next day Pavel asked if he could borrow Leonard's laptop. He was able to cobble together a nice little background for himself. Nothing that would stand up to the scrutiny of an organization like say Starfleet, but good enough for someplace local. It was just something he could point to, to prove Pavel Lenik existed in the here and now. At dinner that night he announced that he would look for a job to pay the McCoy’s back for all of their kindness. He didn’t mention that when the boys had returned the previous night there were a few changes of clothes and a pair of running shoes on the guest bed. Nothing extravagant, but more than Pavel would have even thought to ask for.

“You don’t have to dear, don’t worry yourself about paying us back.” Mrs. McCoy insisted. Leo nodded in agreement.

“Now Dana.” John said, “The kid is old enough to decide if he wants a job or not. If he wants to stay he can contribute if he wants.”

“John.” Mrs. McCoy said in a bit of an exasperated tone.

“No, He’s right.” Pavel piped up. “I like to be busy. I like to work.” He insisted. John raised his eyebrows and gave a look to his wife that said ‘see?’

“That’s fine Pavel. I just don’t want you to think you owe us.” She said with a similar look to John.

“Of course not.” John conceded.

“I understand, I really do just…need something to do.” Pavel did feel like he owed them for taking him in, but he kept that to himself.

“I get that Pavel.” John said returning his attention to his meal. “I get restless with too much time off. Wish that had been an inherited trait.”

“Hey! I’m enjoying some time off before senior year!” Leo said indignantly.

“And I’m sure next summer you’ll be enjoying down time before college, huh?”

“Yup.” Leo said before he too dug into his meal.

“Don’t sass your dad.” Dana said with out any real reprimand.

“Not sassing, just don’t want him to get his hopes up.” 

That night Pavel found a few good prospects for a job and applied on line.

“What kind of jobs you lookin’ for?” They were sprawled out on Leo’s bed. 

“There are a few coding jobs, mostly freelance things. I feel like that would work out best for me. There is also a shuttle repair place looking for help, I am very interested in engineering.”

“What did you get your degree in?

“I have two.”

“Oh.” Leo said a little dejectedly. Pavel remembered the Doctor to be very intelligent in his own field, but getting a little lost when speaking with the Captain about other things.

“What do you want to study? When you get to university?” He said trying to distract the other teen.

“I think I want to be a doctor. I love science like biology and stuff, I’m signed up for my first anatomy class when I go back in the fall.” Leo got excited as he spoke of his chosen profession.

“That’s amazing!”

“Well, it’s going to take a while.” He sounded already weary of the work load. “I know dad was kind of hoping I'd go into construction with him, but…the human body is so weird” He said brightly. “Uh…I mean fascinating.” He amended awkwardly. Pavel laughed.

“Yes, the human body _is_ weird!”

“Right? And then there's xeno-physiology which is weirder!” Leo was smiling wide. It was nice to hear him talk like this, Pavel usually only heard about incurable alien flu, and boiled eyeballs if the shields fail. To see the beginning of his love of medicine shine on his face was infectious.

“You are dedicated, you will become a very good doctor. A great one.” Pavel assured. 

“Thanks,” he said eyes cast down shyly. “I could use a cheerleader like you all the time.”

“I'll be around.” He shrugged. He couldn't help but be proud of the older Leo. It seems like achieved everything he wanted and more. When Pavel went to sleep that night he realized he had let the butterflies take over again, but it didn’t stop him from going to sleep with a smile on his face

With his truthful but fake credentials it was easy for Pavel to find a job writing code freelance. They bought him his own laptop for it, something he did insist on paying them back for when he started getting paid. It was a little easier to not lead Leo on when he had the distraction of work. They still spent most nights talking and hanging out with his friends. He made a couple of Russian dishes with Mrs. McCoy. He could have them replicated on the ship, but they were never as good. Mr. McCoy took them on a trip to a near-by lake, and got into a debate with Pavel about shuttles. Pavel having to bite his tongue when the one he insisted was the best would be obsolete in five years. Though he was happy to focus on shuttles when he was so close to Leo in just in swim trunks for 3 days straight. 

Pavel was settled into his life in Atlanta except the weather, he still didn’t have a handle on that yet.

“You need new shirts! These have holes in them! I don’t know why we have to have this fight every year.” Mr. McCoy said over dinner. “You’re nearly 18, please don’t tell me you can’t pick out some school clothes on your own.” He said exasperated.

“Fine, Pavel you want to go clothes shopping tomorrow?” Leo grumbled.  
“You’re not going on your own.”

“Momma!”

“Dana!”

“John he’s going to look like and orphaned cat if he goes on his own!”

“Ma.” Leo grumbled again.

“You better hope you get a job with a uniform. You are hopeless.” Pavel chuckled at Leo’s misery of being babied, but later it dawned on him that it was the end of August. He had been in the past for the better part of two months. Due to the fact that not only had he gone back in years he had also gone back in months. His birthday was in three days. 

_There’re not coming for me_.

Maybe they tried, but couldn’t find out how. It was an anomaly that had sent him back and they by definition are difficult to solve. He bought some shirts while they were out, but couldn’t help but feel disheartened. He was stuck here, but he would never belong here. He did some work and stayed to himself claiming he felt unwell.

The night before his birthday he took his scanner to the garage and disassembled it, he pulled every piece apart and studied it as if somewhere there would be the answer to his dilemma. In the wee hours of the morning, He sat on the floor with a small piece of his scanner in his hand, the crystal that made it work, and started to cry. Eventually the door opened and he didn’t look up to see who it was. He didn’t have long to guess, as Leo sat down and put his arm around him.

“I’m never going home.” Pavel’s tears were starting to dry up, but he still felt miserable.

“I’m sorry, Pav.” He rubbed his friends back, not grasping how bad the situation was but still trying to comfort the other boy. They sat there quietly for a while before Pavel spoke again.

“It’s my birthday.” Leo didn’t know what to say so he just sat quietly and continued to rub his back. Pavel turned into the embrace and let himself be held. “Don’t tell your parents. About my birthday. I don’t want to celebrate.” On the other side of the world he was turning four. Here he turned 18 less than four months ago.

“Okay.” Leo pulled him up off the floor and took him upstairs and told him to rest on his bed. Leo stayed there with him and eventually Pavel fell asleep.


	5. What his heart wants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pavel stops worrying about changing the future and starts to live in the present.

“He doesn’t need you fussin’, ma.” Pavel heard Leo’s hushed voice in the hallway. He was still laying in Leo’s bed, the bright light shining through the window told him he must have slept ‘til midday.

“Well, see if he can get this down. He hardly ate last night.” Came Dana’s voice through the door. A moment later Leo stepped back through the door holding a bowl.

“Hey.” He said when he saw the Pavel was awake. “Mom made you some soup. I told them you still weren’t feeling great.”

“Thank you.”

“You should try to eat some, or she’s going to take you to the hospital.” Pavel sat up. He realized his scanner crystal was still clutched in his hand. He stared at it for a moment. 

“This is all I have left.” He murmured miserably. Leonard caught his other hand in both of his.

“No, it’s not,” he held fast to Pavel’s hand, “Look if you can’t go home…maybe…maybe you can make this home?” Pavel looked up at the other boy and his earnest and open face. Pavel wanted to dismiss the comforting words since Leo didn’t know the full scope of how Pavel came to be here, but he couldn’t. If he was stuck here in this time, he couldn`t just stop living could he?

“What kind of soup is it?” Leonard gave his hand a gentle squeeze before moving to retrieve the bowl.

“Now, I know you don’t want a celebration or anything but Zaharah is planning a bon fire tonight, just like an end of summer kind of thing.”

“A fire?”

“Bon fire it’s like a camp fire only bigger and with no camping.”

“It’s a party?”

“A chill party just...you don’t have to go, I get it.” He added quickly.

“No, I think I will try to go. Just…I don’t want anyone to know about my birthday.” Leo held his first and thumb fingers together, dragged them across his lips and turned them over on the other side. Pavel stared blankly at him for a moment. “I don’t …what was that? I don’t know what that means.”

“Oh! It’s secret’s safe with me!”

“Why is that the motion for it?”

“I…I don’t know, it’s like an old fashioned gesture, it’s kinda corny.” It made Pave smile. “Feeling good enough to laugh at me?” He said chuckling to himself. “That’s a start I guess.” 

When they announced they were leaving for the party after Pavel’s supposed illness Dana did fuss over him before letting them go. It brought to his mind the Doctor bothering the Captain before (and after) a mission. That memory put him in a bit of a melancholy on the short drive to Zahara's house.

“Hey, we don’t have to go.” Leo reached out for Pavel’s hand in support again. “They’ll understand.” Pavel considered the offer, but thought better of it.

“No, I can’t sit at home moping.” Everyone was gathered around a small pyre talking.

“Hey guys! Glad you could make it!” Livonia greeted as if it were her house.

“Yeah, Pavel doesn’t even knew what a bon-fire is!”

“What? Payon started, “Don’t worry this is just getting started. Man, there is so much left that we have to teach you!” Payton’s natural welcoming energy was making Pavel feel better. 

“My mother let me borrow this for the evening.” Zaharah said airily. It was an old speaker to play music. _That looks new_ Pavel reminded himself. “Is there anything you wish to hear?” She asked.

“Oh, I only listen to classical music.” When asked for favorites in media Pavel always kept his answers to things he knew came out at least a hundred years ago. He was afraid that he would guess that something has already been released but getting it wrong.

“A music snob!” Toby said coming to his full height and looked down his nose in a mocking way. 

“More like habit, I guess. It’s what my parents listened to.”

“Classical music isn’t all bad.” Livonia defended. 

“Yeah, what was that one guy you were tellin’ me about?” Leo asked.

“Hosier.”

“Play Hosier.” Zaharah asked the speaker a little louder than she naturally spoke. ‘Jackie and Wilson’ started playing.

“Okay, not bad, Pav.” Toby admitted making himself comfortable in one of the folding chairs nearest the fire.

“Is that safe?” Pavel asked Leo quietly as Lavonia and Payton added the fire.

“Yeah, they’re fine. We do this all the time.” Pavel didn’t say much through the evening and stuck closer to Leo than he usually would. His spirits were lifted listening to his friends though. He was glad he came. He offered to work on Zaharah’s speaker and any other voice activated things in their house to be more attuned to their species softer vocal patterns.

“That is very generous, but we have tried different controls. The problem is always when we have company. The activators short. We are now accustom to shouting commands.” Pavel pondered the problem. Perhaps he would still be able to help them. It was getting late when he realized that Leo had been sitting with his arm around him for at least a half an hour.

He pondered what he was allowing to happen, his future was now the past. There would be almost no way for him to live without affecting the future somehow.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

“Time dilation in the model of the multi-verse theory.” Leo shook his head. 

“Of course you are.” He said good naturedly, smiling down at Pavel. Pavel found himself curling into the other boy.

“What were you thinking about?”

“You.” He answered simply. Pavel smiled impishly.

“What about me?”

“How cute you look lit by the fire. How much fun you are to have around.” He paused to think looking into the fire.

“I’m glad I came here tonight.”

“Feeling better?” Leonard whispered. Pavel shrugged.

“A little yes. I supposed I just need…time.” The irony of his statement was not lost on Pavel.

“I wish I could help.”

“You’ve done so much for me. I think you’re right I should focus on…what I have here.” And now his mind supplied. Leo just looked at him for a few moments with an intensity his younger self didn’t have often. He was choosing his next words carefully, and that thought made Pavel hold his breath.

“You have me.” Pavel could feel himself blush under the scrutiny. 

“I really like you, Leo.”

“I like you too.” They were both grinning like fools. “Can I kiss you?” Leo asked shyly. Pavel nodded and moved closer to press his lips against Leo’s. It was short and chaste, but Pavel was still flying at getting to have the other boy so close.

“Oh my god, guys!” Livonia’s voice came one of the boys whistled. Pavel had forgotten about everyone else. Leo scratched the back of his neck bashfully when they parted.

“What you never seen two guys kiss before?” He responded.

Pavel got a few more kisses from Leo between the drive back and going to bed. He was too happy to worry about changing the future. His present was all that mattered to him right now.

  
Pavel pondered things on his morning run. Thinking about Leo made his insides all warm and fuzzy now. The morality of everything still weighed on him though. Then he realized that he already had a model for his situation. Spock Prime. The elder Spock that had traveled through the black hole. Two time lines were created when he went back in time. His original timeline still in tact and the new timeline Pavel came from. The split did not keep Spock Prime from interacting with his younger self or continuing to affect the future by helping New Vulcan. Perhaps Leo’s life would not be the same, and that would mean that other’s lives will be different as well, but different wasn’t bad was it?

The only thing that truly weighed on his mind was that there was no way for him to join Starfleet in this new timeline. Perhaps If he just stayed sharp and revealed the truth when his other self was of age perhaps they would still let him join. _Can I wait that long?_ When he came back to the house, Leo and his mother were eating at the kitchen table. Leo smiled a private little one for the two of them. Pavel brushed his hand against his shoulders as he passed by. This was exciting for Pavel. He didn't have too many chances to socialize with anyone his own age. Much less with someone he was allowed to show open interest in.

“Hey Pavel, I thought maybe we could get something to eat later, after you’re done with work?”

“Sure where are we going?”

“I…I mean…like a date?” Leo looked adorably unsure. Pavel smiled wide.

“I’d like that.”

“Cool, good. I’ll come get you later.”

“Wait where are we going?”

“It’s a secret.” The taller boy grinned. To say that Pavel was distracted from his work for the rest of the day was an understatement. They had gone out to eat before, but usually something quick and with other friends. This was something special. Pavel wanted Leonard to think he was special. He picked one of his nicer shirts; his wardrobe was very limited anyway, and tried his best to get his mess of curls to obey him. He didn’t know why he should be so nervous. It’s not like Leo didn’t know what he looked like, but he was. Perhaps for the first time Pavel understood what it was like to be a regular teenager. Leo came to his door.

“You ready? Whoa, did you gel down your hair?”

“Yes, does it look bad?” Pavel panicked.

“No, I just like your curls.” Pavel must have still looked panicked because he quickly added. “you look great.” He reached out and took both of Pavel’s hands in his own.

“I’ve never been on a date before.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll just be us.” Pavel smiled and Leo led him downstairs where his mom stopped them. 

“Don’t you look cute? Well, you have a good time!”

“Hey Pavel, I expect you to have him back by 10, so not too good a time.” John added playfully.

“Bye weird pod-people.” Leo said loudly while dragging Pavel to the door.

“So do I get to know where we’re going now?”

“You’ll see when we get there.” Leo chuckled, his right hand reached out haltingly across the consol. Pavel reached out and took it in his.

“You don’t strike me as the type to like surprises.”

“For myself, no, but this is for you, so…” Pavel hoped his palms were not too clammy. He didn’t want to let go. Soon they were at a restaurant they had not gone to before. It was small and casual.

“Olga’s?”

“It’s the closest I could find to Russian.” Pavel looked closer at the sign. Polish cuisine was typed neatly under the name.

“You wanted to take me to a Russian restaurant?”

“I thought you might like a little taste of home.” He answered with the same bashful shrug of his shoulders that he often had. 

“Leo, that’s…I don’t know what to say! It’s wonderful!” Pavel was touched that Leo was still thinking of Pavel’s homesickness when planning their date. When they sat down Leo studied the menu very carefully as he couldn’t recognize any dish by name. “What did I do?”

“What did you do when?”

“To deserve all that you’ve done for me. I was a stranger when you took me in.”

“I don’t know. Maybe it was how helpless you looked. I thought it would just be the one night, but…I was so glad you stuck around. You’re so…alive, and energetic, and when you said you’d been abandoned…I just…”

“You felt bad for me?”

“No! ugh…correcting an error, we’ll say. Only an idiot would abandon you. You’re funny and you put up with music you don’t like for me…”

“It’s growing on me.”

“See!? So nice about it. I can talk about nerdy stuff with you without feeling like a total dork. Not to mention you’re the only one that can beat me at Off World Raiders.” Leo continued. “You’re kind of a mystery Pavel. The more I learn, the more I want to be around you.” Pavel blushed at the compliments.

“Well, I’m glad it’s not that you’re just in the habit of picking up vagrants to take home with you.” Leo laughed.

“No you’re definitely the first.” 

“I was scared when I first came here I was…excited to travel but…everything fell apart when I arrived here. I didn’t know what to do.”

“You couldn’t call your parents? You don’t really talk about them.”

“I…” Pavel didn’t want to lie to him, but how could he tell him the truth? “They don’t support me. Now that I’ve taken a break in my studies.”

“Break? You’ve got two degrees! What more could they want?”

“I don’t have my doctorate. Now I am doing a job that I could have done when I was 10.” Pavel’s parents were of course very proud of him and he hated to think what they would do when they got word that he would not be returning to them. “I don’t really want to talk about them.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry. Guess I’m not much of a conversationalist, huh?”

“More like we have been through all the first date questions?”

“What’s a first date question?”

“I don’t know.” 

“What about school? Did you live with the older students?”

“Yes, it was fun. Strange sometimes.” Pavel told him stories form Starfleet implying if was from his time at University. Leo listening with rapt attention. They ate their meals and traded stories. Growing up in sweltering Georgia was very different to the frigid winters of Pavel’s childhood. 

At the end of the meal Leo said something privately to the waitress and she came back with a brown take away bag.

“What’s that?”

“One last surprise.” He replied.

“You know you are putting a lot of expectation our next date.”

“Next date? There’s going to be a next date?” Leo said with a hopeful gleam in his eye. Pavel pretended to think for a moment.

“I guess it depends on how much I like this new surprise.” He finally replied. Leo looked rueful, but ushered Pavel out of the restaurant and to the truck. It was dark out now. Leo drove them to a park instead of home. There was a small pond near-by with a bar whose lights reflected prettily on the water. Leo parked the truck and they sat on his tailgate in silence for a few moments.

“Pavel, can I?” Pavel just looked questioningly at Leo. Instead of explaining Leo just ran his fingers through Pavel’s hair breaking free his curls. “There.” Pavel giggled but responded with mock indignance.

“Hey, That took a long time!” Leo just shrugged.

“Curls suit you.” He turned to rustle around in the take away bag. When he turned back Leo was holding out a piece of chocolate cake with a hastily added candle. He produced a lighter and lit it.

“Happy late-birthday!” Pavel smiled at the sweet gesture.

“I said I didn’t want to celebrate.”

“What celebration? It’s just cake, who doesn’t like cake?” There was a bit of panic rising in his voice, a fear that this little gamble wasn’t going to pay off. Pavel blew out the candle.

“Thank you Leo. It’s perfect.” The other boy let out a breath he had been holding. Pavel leaned forward and managed to find Leo’s mouth in the dark. This time his lips parted allowing Leo’s tongue entrance. They set the cake aside and all but forgot it in favor of mapping out the others mouth, laying in the truck bed. Pavel felt that warm fuzziness in his stomach again and couldn’t feel bad that his birthday wish was to stay with the other boy no mater the time or place.  



	6. Another Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The early stages of Pavel and Leonard's relationship

Pavel had slept in his own room that night, no matter how tempting it was to take Leo up on is offer that they both sleep in his room. This relationship was still new and Pavel wasn’t sure how to move forward when you already live together, but he decided that for now at least it was best to treat it as though they didn’t. Over breakfast, John had asked Pavel what his intentions with Leonard were. He said this in such a serious tone that for a moment Pavel froze in fear not sure how to respond.

“Dad stop! You’re making it weird!” Leo insisted. Dana chuckled.

“Stop traumatizing the boys.” She chided. John’s gaze became softer and he too started laughing.

“Sorry.” Leo whispered to Pavel.

“It’s okay. At least they don’t disapprove. After all you barely know me. I could be a murderer.”

“If you are I don’t think you’re very good at your job.” He joked back.

“More of a hobby.”

The next few days went by in a blur of stolen kisses. The next Monday Leo was back at school and Dana was back to teaching. The house was very quiet now. Pavel had plenty of time to focus on work, but for his quick mind not enough work to focus on. He ended up taking the part time job at the shuttle repair just to get out of the house. 

They didn’t have as much time together now, but still managed to cuddle together watching a movie, or Leo would drive them somewhere to make out. He really liked kissing he decided. As the weeks dragged on into a month their touches became more amorous. John chastised his son for real when Pavel came to dinner sporting a rather impressive hicky. He also got teased about it at the shop, but Leo had made his toes tingle that night so he couldn’t help but smile shyly about it. 

Sometime he would be a little jealous of the others, they were all at the same school though not all in the same year. It meant that they got to see him more than Pavel did. Leo, however, seemed to feel the same.

“You’re tired, you should go to sleep.” Leo was using Pavel as a pillow while they watched a new TV show. His eyelids were drooping and his breath evening out.

“Mmm, stay.” Pavel ran his fingers through Leo’s hair. The teen practically purred at the treatment, clutching Pavel around the waist and pulling him closer. Leo soon did fall asleep and Pavel couldn’t be bothered to move so he too fell asleep. 

The next morning Dana woke them. Pavel noticed that she was looking at them a little strangely. Later John called Leonard into his study and closed the door. Pavel was worried that somehow he had gotten Leo into trouble. He heard Leo run back up the stairs a short while later so Pavel followed him. He was laying face first on his bed.

“Leo, are you …you’re not in trouble are you?” Pavel closed the door and sat next to Leo on the bed. He said something, but it was almost completely muffled by his pillow. “What?”

“The talk.” Leo said turning his head to the side. “My dad just gave me the sex talk.” He buried his face again. Pavel giggled.

“What did he say?”

“It’s not funny! I don’t need my dad talking to me about condoms and STD’s” Pavel laid down next to his boyfriend and rubbed his back.

“That’s better than just telling you not to.” Leo made a disgruntled grunt. “You won’t get any STD’s from me anyway.”

“I know! I told him we weren’t doing anything!”

“I meant because…because I’m a virgin.”

“Virginity is an outdated social construct.” Leo mumbled half into his pillow.

“You know what I mean.”

“I…I haven’t done anything either. Just Kiss.” They were speaking in much more hushed tones now laying close together, sharing breath.

“I mean, I don’t know if I’m ready for _sex_ sex, but…” Pavel trailed off.

“There are other things we can do that are …fun.” Leo said sliding his arm around Pavel as if he could bring him any closer.

“Fun?”

“Or so I’ve heard.” Pavel bit his lip smiling deviously at Leo. “But not right now with my parents and…oh my god.” Leo again retreated in to the safety of his pillow. Pavel laughed again.

“Are you coming down to dinner?”

“Absolutely not!”

After that, since it wasn’t expressly forbidden Pavel’s things slowly migrated into Leo’s bedroom, until it eventually became their room. 

Payton and Toby were at the house studying with Leo, while Pavel worked on some calculations.

“What are we going to do for your birthday, McCoy?” Payton asked.

“Your birthday is coming up?” Pavel’s head snapped up.

“He didn’t tell you?” Toby asked incredulously, “Of course, he didn’t.. You’re gonna be 18 man!” Leo was avoiding eye contact staring intently at his laptop.

“Come on,” Pavel leaned in close. “When’s your birthday?”

“November 1st.” 

“That’s less than a week away! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know…” Pavel had an idea why, it seems Leo has never been comfortable with having much attention on him.

“It’s you’re 18th birthday; it’s special! Plus who doesn’t like cake?” Leo finally looked up and smiled.

“Okay, maybe a small thing. Just us?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about!” Payton crowed.

“Yeah Len, if we had known how whipped you would be, we would have gotten you a boyfriend a long time ago. Ow.” Leo kicked Toby under the table. 

They planned a fun night of laser tag, something Pavel had never done before, and texted Zaharah and Livonia to make sure they could come.

“What do you want?” Pavel asked as they went to bed that night. Leo looked at him lasciviously and crushed his mouth in a kiss. Pavel chuckled when they parted. “I meant for your birthday!”

“Same answer.”

“Leo.”

“You don’t have to get me anything for my birthday.”

“I want to get you something.”

“I don’t know, I guess surprise me.” Leo shrugged. Pavel thought hard about what he wanted to get Leo. In the meantime the girls decided that the party should be a costume party since it was Halloween. Though Pavel was sure that Leo would reject the idea, they both insisted that Pavel would be able to talk him into it.

“Come on Pavel, just give him those sweet puppy dog eyes and he’ll be putty in your hands!” Livonia insisted. Pavel thought that curious since he was under the impression that Leo was the one with ‘Puppy dog eyes`.

“Pasha this is dumb.” Leo was standing in front of his bedroom mirror in his costume.

“No, it’s fun!” Pavel insisted watching him in his own costume.

“Do I have to wear the vest?”

“Yes, that’s what makes the costume!” Pavel had talked Leo into the costumes....sort of. Pavel promised that his costume would be comprised of mostly regular clothes and Leo reluctantly agreed.

“What’s this guy’s name again?”

“Han Solo, He’s a space pirate.”

“Great, so I’m a criminal.”

“He’s also kind of grumpy all the time. Just like you!” Leo proved Pavel’s point by scowling at him.

“Wasn’t this movie made before we even went to space?”

“Maybe! I can’t remember the exact date.”

“And who are you?”

“Luke Skywalker.”

“Skywalker’s a little on the nose for a pilot, ain’t it?”

“Leo.” Pavel whined, “we’re going to be late! Quit stalling.” Pavel dragged him out the door. Zaharah and Livonia were dressed as members of a very colorful pop group form Zaharah’s home world, which might have been the whole reason they wanted to do costumes in the first place. Payton was dressed as a superhero named Shocker, and Toby went a much more horror route dressed as a zombie.

“We should have coordinated a group costume.” Toby said mouth covered in fake blood. “We don’t look like we’re going to the same party.”

“Well, I can definitely go home and change.” Leo quickly offered.

“Come on! This will be fun!” Livonia exclaimed. They coupled off Zaharah and Payton, Leo and Pavel, which left Livonia and Toby together as teams. Leo really looked like Han Solo with his fake phaser, and Pavel got to show off his own very really phaser training. Later when they parked out side of town with Pizza and beer that half of them shouldn’t have been drinking, Payton lamented their defeat.

“You are like a sharp shooter Pav! Seriously are you a real Jedi or something?”

“Jedi’s use light sabers.” Pavel deflected. He was happy to note that he was still sharp in his skills.

“Well whatever, too bad you’re out of school. We could use that kind of accuracy on the court this winter.”

“He’s right, you’re really good.” Leo said arm reaching around Pavel’s waist. “Here I was thinking you were all brains.” He smiled with pride at the shorter boy.

“You were pretty good too. It was kind of hot watching you.”

“Oh yeah?” Leo smiled wolfishly.

“Hey! This isn’t the time for your own little private party yet. We’re not done embarrassing Len yet!” Toby told the two who were getting more and more cozy with each other as they finished off their food.

“Cockblocker!” Leo yelled at him in answer.

“Yup.” He said smugly. “Now it is the 31st so it only makes sense that we make a little mischief.” 

“Oh god, what do you have planned?” Leo said in a tone that would have made his older self proud.  
“Nothing to worry about!” Livonia said, also in on the plan. 

“Just a little eco vandalism.” Zaharah said softly as she and Payton lifted a couple of jars of liquid.

“Myciclian jelly!” Pavel crowed. “They are bioluminescent when they come in contact with oxygen rich atmosphere!” Pavel told Leo excitedly.

Reluctantly he nodded and said.

“Okay, so what are we defacing tonight?” Toby produced a very specific map of orders for everyone. “Why are these so damn complicated?” Leo grumbled.

“Don’t worry about it. Just make sure to meet back up here when you’re done. Okay?” Pavel and Leo set out on their first of their two locations. Pavel dutifully spreading the jelly on a bench and the side walk.  
“Come on, let’s bail and start that private party skyboy.” Leo said stealing a kiss.

“Leo later, this is your birthday present.”

“Wait, you were in on this?”

“Maybe.”

“Great. Why is my present illegal?”

“It’s not illegal. You can be so dramatic sometimes.”

“Well, let’s hope whatever picture we’re drawing here is worth it.”

“It will be, don’t worry.” Pavel said knowingly. Whey they finished their parts. Leo and he walked back to the meeting spot hand in hand.

“Sorry Pav, mine got a little confused.” Payton said as they walked up. Both boys turned to look at the group’s handy-work.

“CONGRAT…sort of a sideways b?” Leo read the word that was glowing in the streets below.

“It’s supposed to be an S.” Livonia said shoving Paton gently.

“What? Len was right, the directions were too complicated!” He said defensively, 

“Yeah, but for what? Being born?” Leo chuckled.

“No for this.” Pavel said undeterred by the spelling error. He handed Leo a large envelope from the University of Mississippi.

“Ol’ Miss?”

“I asked your parents if I could give this to you.” Leo took the envelope and was frozen for a few minutes.

“But, you don’t even know if this is good news. This could just say ‘fuck you’.” Pavel laughed. He knew that Leonard would attend this university and become Dr. McCoy, but he couldn’t just say that.

“If it does they picked a very large font to use.” It was a large document envelope, not the kind with a simple rejection letter in it. Leo hesitated for a moment more before opening it and pulling out the letter on top. He took a few minutes to read it in the light from his phone. A huge smile split his face and even though he already knew so many of the outcomes of Leonard’s life, he couldn’t help but want to be with him for every one of those triumphs. He was falling so hard for the caring young man in front of him.

“I got in!” they all cheered and hugged Leo. “Thank you, Pasha.” Leo hugged him tight and kissed him. “You didn’t have to go to all this trouble for me.”

“Yes I did! I’m proud of you!” He stared earnestly into Leo’s eyes and they stared back at him. A charged moment passes between the two, something that both felt but neither ready to say out loud yet. Leo threaded his fingers in Pavel’s and they acknowledged their elated friends. They sat there in a circle talking about the future. Pavel for his part, knew the most about the future and yet was so unsure of what it held for him now. He held Leonard’s hand the whole night. Whatever new future was ahead of him he knew he wanted to face it with him. The boy that made him feel like he belonged even where he didn’t.  



	7. Where will you go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo's dad has a little heart to heart, Pavel suprises Leo with an extra birthday present.

John and Dana were also over joyed for their son getting into the college of his choice. Dana got a little misty eyed.

“Before you know it you’ll be out on you own.” She said giving Leo a tight hug.

“Mama, the school year ain’t even over yet!”

John caught Pavel the next day before Leo got home from school. He called Pavel into his study. Remembering the ‘talk’ that he and Leo had Pavel was more than a little nervous. 

“Pavel, I just wanted to talk to you about Len going away to college.”

“Oh, yes it’s very exciting.”

“It is, and I’m not sure if the two of you have planned anything yet.”

“Oh…we haven’t really talked about it yet.” Pavel started to wring his hands a little.

“I figured as much. I just want you to know that if you don’t go with Len to Ol’ Miss, that you still have a place here. We’re not just going to kick you to the curb if he’s not here.”

“That…Thank you that’s very kind of you Mr. McCoy. Maybe a bit unnecessary, I think I am capable now of getting something of my own.”

“Of course, and you’re free to do what you want, just know that you have a home here.” John was looking at him seriously, with a kind smile softening his features. It made his chest tight, both the kind gesture and the way that look reminded him of the Dr. McCoy he had left behind.

“Thank you. It’s…too much.” John stepped forward and pulled Pavel into a hug.

“It’s not anymore than I’m willing and able to give, so it can’t be too much.” Pavel was a little overwhelmed at this, but it seems John wasn’t done yet. “I do worry about you some.”

“Worry?”

“Yeah, you’re so secretive about your family, why you can’t go back home. If you’re in any…trouble Pavel you should tell me. I won’t be mad, I just want to help if I can.” John was again looking at him seriously. Pavel was caught off guard so he said the first thing that came to mind.

“Honestly, I don’t think you would believe me if I told you.” John chuckled.

“You’d be surprised the kind of things I’ve heard.” Pavel wanted so badly to tell him the truth. John and Dana both treated him like a son and it weighed on him not being able to be honest with them.

“All I can say is that there is no danger. I wouldn’t stay here if there was, I wouldn’t risk putting any of you in danger. It’s just…sad and strange how I came to be here.” John regarded him for a while then nodded.

“Okay I won’t press you. I hope one day you can tell me, though.”

“I hope so, too.” One day when the four year-old version of him was old enough to help him prove he's not crazy.

“You’re a good kid, Pavel. My son’s lucky to have you.” Pavel positively preened under the compliment.

He was sitting on their bed when Leo got home. He was sitting, contemplating the person that was Leonard McCoy. Both the older doctor and the teenager he has come to know. He tried not to dwell on how Leo’s life would be changed by his presence, but it hadn’t occurred to him how the person he was might change too. Would the Dr. McCoy he had known resemble the person his Leo would grow to be? Would the new experiences Pavel caused and eliminated, change him into someone new? He let himself ruminate on them for a while with a sort of contentedness that there would be certain things about Leo that wouldn’t change, things that he loved about him.

“Hey, you look really deep in it there.” Leo said setting his book bag down and crossing the room to give Pavel a kiss on the cheek.

“Close the door?” Pavel said instead of answering.

“Okay…” Leo replied hesitantly and did as he was told and took a seat next to Pavel. 

“Leo, I know we haven’t talked about you going away or anything, and this…this being boyfriends is still so new to me, but…I…I want to go with you. I want to go with you to old missy.” Leo chuckled and took Pavel’s face in his hands.

“First; it’s Ol’ Miss, and second…I want you to come with me too! Pavel…I love you.” Pavel’s insides did a summersault at hearing those words for the first time.

“Leo, I love you too.” He whispered as Leo brought their faces closer, but he wanted to shout it. He loved him for all his grumpiness, for all his sweetness, and for that huge heart that he wore on his sleeve. He was unafraid of changing the future now. He wanted so much to see what they would make of the future together. Leo kissed him soundly and all Pavel could think of was the here and now. Of Leo’s hand curling around the nape of his neck. Of his own hands falling to Leo’s waist, and his fingers finding their way under his shirt. Of the way Leo sighed into their kiss and pulled him on to his lap. Leo mapped out Pavel’s mouth greedily, and he wanted to let the other boy devour him or the other way around. They parted nipping at each others lips enough for Pavel to ask for what he wanted.

“Can I suck your cock?” Pavel asked coyly, You would have thought Leo had gotten an electric shock from his reaction.

“Jesus, Pasha.” He breathed against his mouth. Pavel moved to mouth at Leo’s throat and maneuvered the other boy to lay on his back.

“Was that a yes?” 

“Yes! I mean if you want to.” He added quickly. Pavel pushed his hands under Leo’s shirt prompting him to discard it. Then he teased him by touching and kissing his hips just above his waistband. Pavel cupped Leo through his jeans, feeling him already start to harden.

“You’re so sexy, Leo.” 

“Me? You play around anymore and you’ll have me begging.” He responded huskily. Pavel moved to open Leo’s flies, they had grouped each other before under their shirts, but always over their pants. Pasha undid them and pushed them down Leo’s thighs.

“Hey,” Leo said softly. Pavel looked up his boyfriend’s lips were bitten red, a flush coloring his cheeks, “Am I gonna be the only one bare here?” He asked in a hushed tone he propped himself up and rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. Pavel didn’t know what was possessing him, he smirked at the other boy while toying with the hem of his shirt. He swiveled his hips sensually as he slowly dragged the fabric up revealing his chest. Soon his shirt too was flung to the floor with the other. Pavel gave him a quick, but heated kiss before returning to his goal. He again rubbed Leo this time through his briefs, the bulge now obvious. Pavel pulled the waist band down to reveal Leo’s hard cock. It was not unlike his own, maybe a little wider. He took him in hand moving up and down the shaft.

“Fuck.” Leo groaned sucking in a sharp breath. Pavel bent his head down to taste, his tongue swirling around the spongy head. Leo groaned softly his hand coming up to thread through Pavel’s curls. Having no experience giving or receiving, he tried to rely on moving his mouth and tongue around where it felt good when he touched himself. He tried to fit as much in his mouth as he could, but was perhaps a little over zealous about it, he had to pull off completely coughing a little.

“Shit, are you okay?” Leo said trying to sit up.

“Yes, just took too much too fast.” Pavel choked out. _God how embarrassing!_

“Hey don’t, like, hurt yourself. Your…your mouth feels good anywhere you put it.” Leo said a bit breathlessly. When Pavel met his gaze he only saw naked want and it spurred him to try again. This time he lavished attention on the head. He rolled the foreskin back with his tongue. There was a sudden sharp and salty taste, he realized was precome. He didn’t mind the taste, he pointed his tongue and wiggled in against it against the slit there. Leo’s hips made a jerking motion like an aborted thrust. He was making little noises, but trying his hardest to stifle them. Pavel took the rest of his shaft in hand and stroked up and down as he continued his ministrations. Soon the hand that was still in his hair tightened.

“I’m gonna come.” Leo whispered just loud enough to Pavel to hear. That hand dropped to his shoulder giving Pavel room to pull off, but Pavel kept his pace and come flooded his mouth. In his mind he would have been able to swallow the release like he was sucking it though a straw, but the reality was he had a mouth full of come, some of which he was able to swallow, while some trailed down his chin. He sat back on his heels and stared at Leo for a moment, naked and boneless after his release. Pavel unfastened his own pants, took out his cock and started to stroke himself. Leo moved slowly like through syrup, but pulled Pavel down to lay next to him. Leo replaced his hand and started to stroke him. He pulled Pavel in for a kiss, his nose wrinkled when he tasted himself on Pavel’s lips but was undeterred and worked Pavel with firm, sure strokes until Pavel too found his release. For a moment he was floating and breathless. Then there was Leo’s hands on him and the musky smell of sex around them.

“Thank you.” Leo’s voice came rough and a little dreamy. Pavel lay for a few moments regaining his breath.  
“Did you just thank me?” Leo rolled onto his back and threw an arm over his face.

“I didn’t know what to say.” His accent was very think, so that the sentence almost sounded like a single word.

“So polite.” Pavel cooed.

“You know what?” Leo started to retort, but Pavel didn’t learn what, because they heard Dana yell from downstairs. 

“Boy’s! Dinner’s almost ready!” Leo’s eyes got as big as saucers and he nearly fell to the floor in his haste to get out of bed.

“Shit!” Pavel laughed as he scrambled to clean up the mess on his stomach and get dressed at the same time.

“Okay Dana!” Pavel yelled in response. “Go wash up in the bathroom.” He said giggling at Leo.  



	8. Two steps forward, one step back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pavel comes to some hard realizations about his new life.

_Pavel was at his console calculating the route for star mapping. The unknown made it difficult, and exciting at the same time. Sulu was busy making sure they stayed on course. Pavel took a moment to watch the stars go by through the ships view screen. It was beautiful. Pavel felt a contentment._

_“Beautiful isn’t it?” Came the Captain’s voice from behind him as if he could read his mind._

_“It really is.” He said without looking back._

_“It’s a shame really.” His voice came again._

_“What do you mean, Captain?” He still didn’t run around; couldn’t turn around._

_“That you can’t join us Mr. Chekov.” Pavel could turn then; the Captain was gone, everyone was. He was alone on the bridge. He looked to the view screen again. It was completely blank. He ran to the turbo lift. The halls of the enterprise where empty. He ran not knowing what he was looking for. Finally he saw a science officer facing away from him._

_“Hey! Hello? Do you know what’s going on? Where is everyone?” When the officer turned he saw it was Dr. McCoy._

_“Hey kid! What are you doing here?”_

_“What? Doctor? Where should I be?” The doctor made an unkind scoffing noise._

_“Typical teenager. You don’t even know what you’re doing, do you?” He said dismissively before turning to leave._

_“No, Leo! Please, come back! Leonard!” He shouted as he tried to chase the Doctor, but he was already so far away._

_Pavel_ Pavel?

He woke with a start. Leo had a hand wrapped lightly around this arm.

“Pavel?” He was in Leo’s bedroom, it was still dark out.

“What?”

“You were talking in your sleep.”

“Oh sorry, bad dream.” Leo was apparently already half way back to sleep, but cuddled closer to the other boy.  
“’s okay now.” Leo’s breath soon evened out into sleep. _It was just a bad dream_ , Pavel told himself. He fell into a restless sleep. 

Bad dream or not it brought to Pavel a problem that he had tried hard not to think of. Space. Pavel had dreamed of traveling the galaxy since he was little. In Russia, he was probably looking up longingly at the stars, right now. He couldn’t apply to Starfleet. He technically didn’t exist. There were other ways to travel, but they all seemed so much lesser than the life he had. He researched what the newest discoveries were, he tried to marry them to some of the unexplored space they had found. He surrounded himself in star charts and wondered if that was helping or making it worse. His boss at the shuttle shop, Jeff, noticed his distraction.

“Why don’t you take a day? We can get along without you for a while.”

“No, I am fine. I just need a distraction.”

“You and that boyfriend of yours having trouble?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s…I want to go to space.” Pavel admitted quietly.

“Well hell, we can get you to space, no problem!” He responded cheerfully. Pavel just smiled. He didn’t want to talk about it. He stopped working so much on the star charts.

“Hey, are you okay?” Leo asked on night as they sat outside after dinner.

“I’m fine.” Leo made a noise somewhere between a groan and a sigh.

“Come on, you’ve been…kinda distant lately.”

“Sorry, I’m just a little distracted.” Leo took both of Pavel’s hands in his. 

“I…It’s not because you regret anything, right?” Pavel was confused at first, then realized that his dream had coincided with the first (only) time he had given Leo a blowjob. They had kissed, but hadn’t been that intimate since.

“No! No, of course not! I don’t regret.” Leo relaxed a little at the reassurance. “I’m sorry, I would never want you to think…I love you , Leo.”

“I love you, too.” There was the tiniest twinge of uncertainty in his voice. _You don’t even know what you’re doing, do you?_ “There’s something though, isn’t there?”

“It’s homesickness I guess. It comes in waves. I will get over it.” Pavel sighed. They were quiet for a few moments. Pavel knew what Leo wanted to ask, but he never knew how to respond.

“I wish you would tell me what it is exactly that makes you so sad.” He said resigned as though he knew he wouldn’t get what he wanted.

“I wish I could tell you everything.” Pavel looked down guiltily. “I…I was going to explore space.” He admitted.

“Space? You want to go to space?” There was a tiny bit of hysteria in Leonard’s voice as though Pavel said they were minutes from disembarking.

“Yes, I’ve always looked up…I want to know what’s out there.” He said looking up into the darkening sky, the stars just starting to show themselves.

“Black holes, asteroid belts, Klingons, alien diseases…did I say Klingons?” Leo was looking up too, worry etched into his features. Pavel smiled and retorted.

“New worlds, and civilizations, elements and star clusters we have yet to see.”

“Yeah, yeah to boldly go…yadda, yadda, yadda. The ‘fleet officer comes to school every April to recruit.” He said a little less scared than before. “I guess if I didn’t have to look out the window.”

“I can’t go, Leo.”

“What? Why?” Pavel bit his lip. How could he explain it without time travel? “Right, your shady past.” Leo sounded bitter. Pavel couldn’t blame him, but what else could he do?

“I don’t exist.” He blurted out.

“You….what? How…”

“I Pavel Lenik, don’t exist. I faked enough documentation for freelance and the repair shop, but it will never work to get me off the ground. Not the way I want.”

“So….who are you?”

“I’m still Pavel. Your Pasha. I just…can’t tell you who my family is to protect them to protect me.” Leonard face was stony. “I promise, one day I will be able to tell you, and everyone, everything, but… not yet. We have to be patient.”

“You know I would never tell anyone your secrets, right?”

“I know, but it’s …” _you won’t believe me until I can prove that I and my younger self are the same person_. “It’s better if you don’t know. Safer.” Leo’s thumb swept at the tears gathering under Pavel’s eye. He hadn’t realized he started crying.

“Okay.” Leo wrapped his arms around Pavel, “I just wish I could do something to help.” Pavel squeezed tight.

“You do! I’m sorry you don’t feel like you help me, but you do.” Pavel felt such relief. He thought Leo would leave him in frustration. This new future he was looking at, he realized he couldn’t imagine it without Leonard.


	9. Shower time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pavel and Leo enjoy a little alone time.

During his next morning run he decided to try his best to focus on the more immediate future. He still kept his star charts, he couldn't help himself. The holidays were approaching and he had to think of what he would get his new family. When he returned Leo was still sprawled across the bed quietly snoring. Pavel joined him on the bed, though he was sure he was still a little sweaty.

“Leo, you’re going to be late for school.” The other boy now pretending not to be awake, grunted and hugged his pillow tighter. “If you get up now we can shower together.”

They hadn’t done anything like that yet, but a wet naked Leo sounded great to Pavel. Leo seemed to share the sentiment as his head shot up from his pillow.

“Really?” Leo still looked a little sleepy, his short hair standing up at odd angles on the side. Pavel nodded and leaned in for a kiss before getting up and enticing the other boy to follow him. Leo was practically on top of him as they crowded into the bathroom and started stripping their clothes. Leo only had his boxers to contend with and started the water as Pavel finished. When he joined him in the shower Leo smoothed his hands over Pavel’s shoulders and down his sides to his waist. He was very awake now and drinking in every inch of his naked boyfriend. Pavel shivered under the attention.

“God, you’re so sexy Pasha.” Leo said pulling him in for a kiss. He could feel Leo getting hard against his hip, his own cock was very much interested. When they parted Pavel panted against wet skin. 

“You are the hot one.” Pavel let his hands fall to Leo’s ass, squeezing and pulling them close together. Leo’s breath hitched, his own hands mimicking Pavel’s and grinding the two of them together.

“I love getting to touch you like this.” Leo said voice almost drown out by the spray of water. He grabbed the soap and they both lathered their hands. They reached for the other’s hard cock and started to stroke. Pavel fell against the tiled wall finding it hard to stand as Leo touched him. Leo followed him, crowding him against the wall kissing him and keeping pace with the strokes. 

“It feels so good, you feel so good.” Pavel said his free hand coming to thread through wet strands of hair.  
“So do you.” Leo said against the skin of his shoulder. His free hand came back to Pavel’s ass. His soapy fingers finding their way between his cheeks. 

“Yes!” Pavel said almost unthinking. Leo rubbed up and down his crack softly massaging. Pavel picked up the pace and squeezed a little tighter in his strokes knowing he was close. Leo’s finger circled his rim and pressed there without breaching him, but it was enough for Pavel to loose it. He was supported completely by the wall at his back and Leo’s firm, but gentle hands. He didn’t know how he managed it but he kept working Leo and the other boy came with a gasp, warm come coating Pavel’s hip and thigh. They rested a few moments against each other.

“I’m gonna be really late now.” Leo said huskily, but he wasn’t moving to wash either. Pavel looked up at him through his lashes feigning guilt. 

“I guess my incentive doesn’t work so well.” Leo chuckled.

“Oh it worked, I got up, didn’t I?” Leo said grinning at the double entendre. Pavel gave his arm a light smack and they managed to wash quickly. Leo rushed to dry and get dressed, pausing only to give Pavel a lingering kiss good-bye.

“You’re in a better mood today.” Jeff commented later at work. Pavel felt his face heat up. He couldn’t tell him he was in a good mood because he and his boyfriend had sex in the shower this morning.

“My run this morning, I had time to think about things.” Jeff clapped his shoulder amiably.

“See things aren’t as bad as we make them in our heads. Course things have plenty of room to rattle around in this noggin’.” He chuckled, rapping his knuckles against his own head. 

After that Pavel found it hard to keep his hands to himself. Even their friends commented on how handsy they were getting. Not that Leonard was any better, he sat too close and would rest his mouth against Pavel’s shoulder. Always wound an arm around his waist or laid a warm hand on top of his thigh. Things were good. Pavel focused on that when his mind wondered back to his star charts, when he updated shuttles too much. He focused on how nice it was to cook with John and Dana and sitting down to family meals. He enjoyed the occasional run he took with Payton. He talked about movies with Toby and Livonia. He talked about galactic current events with Zaharah. 

He talked about all of that and more with Leo. He spoke more about what he and originally planned for his future now that Leo knew more of the truth. When they spoke it still felt possible; maybe a version of it was. Leonard came to understand that Pavel’s secrets had a time limit and he was content to wait. Pavel applied to Starfleet for the first time when he was 11. That seemed like enough time to not interfere too much with his other self’s life to come clean. That was his only real worry now, that he would somehow ruin his other self’s life. He was only a child now, it was too much to expect him to accept. Seven years were not so bad. Pavel held tight to his love each night knowing that he would get restless again, but that this life he had now wasn’t any kind of hardship.


	10. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys celebrate Christmas together.

“What do you think Leonard would like for Christmas?” Pavel was out shopping with Dana about two weeks before the event.

“I don’t know, that boy is impossible to buy for ever since he out grew play train sets.”

“He like to play with trains?” Pavel asked bemusedly.

“I always end up buying him a shirt he never wears.” She sighed.

“My momma would send me socks while I was away.” Pavel tried his best not to let his good memories turn sad in the face of his circumstance. He had good memories with his parents and he was making good memories with his new family. “She would send gelt too.” He laughed thinking of how he never ate the cheep chocolate coins, but treasured the sentiment all the same.

“Gelt? Oh Pavel! I didn’t even think to ask if you celebrated Christmas!” 

“I do! My mother was Jewish, but she never practiced. She just liked to remind me every now and then of our culture.”

“We could always…do something for Hanukkah if you want.” She offered.

“That is nice of you, but really, I wouldn’t know what to do to celebrate.”

“Okay, you still haven’t told me what _you_ want for Christmas.” 

“Oh, you don’t have to get me anything, you’ve done so much for me already.”

“Nonsense! We’re not going to let you be the only one not opening something Christmas morning! I’ll think of something.” Pavel left it at that, he knew Leo was going to get him something too. He racked his brain trying to think of something he could get the other boy, but Leo was a simple person. He had what he needed and didn’t really have a want for much more than that. As agitated as he had witnessed the older McCoy get, he was surprised to learn that he actually needed very little to be calm and content. Pavel admired it. 'The appreciation for what is', Toby had described it once. 

Pavel window shopped as Dana pointed out things that her sister would like. Something caught Pavel’s eye. He stopped to look for while. 

“You want to go in?” Dana asked when she realized he wasn't moving on.

“That's pretty.”

“It is.”

“You think Leo would like it? I haven’t seen him wear anything like it.” Honestly it was a little feminine, which Leo didn’t lean towards at all.

“I’m not sure, but it would look nice on him.” She said encouragingly. Pavel nodded and followed Dana into the store to finish shopping. The store luckily gift wrapped it for him, and he placed his small parcel under the tree. Leo already had his gift for Pavel under the tree. It was something he ordered online and he needed to look at Pavel’s laptop to get it for some reason. Pavel just made sure there wasn’t anything on it that was too future-y before handing it over. 

They were not only getting ready for Christmas, but Leo was getting ready for final exams. Pavel sat with him and a pile of flash cards.

“I’m never going to remember that one.” Leo lamented at his inability to remember dates for his history class. Pavel wanted to help him do well in his studies, but couldn’t help, but remember Dr. McCoy’s near encyclopedic knowledge of deadly disease and injury specific to space travel. Not to mention being qualified to treat not just humans, but several alien species as well, that it made him chuckle. “What? This is hard!” Leo said defensively misinterpreting Pavel’s reaction.

“It is, but you are very smart. You’re just being too hard on yourself.”

“Thanks.”

“Maybe you need some sort of incentive for doing well.” Pavel said smirking.

“What kind of incentive?”

“A kiss?”

“Not a bad idea, but I’m pretty sure you’re going to kiss me anyway.”

“Maybe more than a kiss?”

“Same problem.” Leo said this time leaning forward and stealing a kiss. Pavel bit his lip.

“What about…more than that?”

“More than…oh you mean…” It was something Pavel had been considering more and more. So far they had exchanged blowjobs and hand jobs, and Leo would play with his hole sometimes, but they had yet to have real sex.

“If that’s something your interested in.” He answered coyly.

“More than interested. Are you sure?” Leo asked.

“Of course, if you…do well on your exams.” Pavel responded primly. Leo groaned and fell back so he was laying down on the floor where they were sitting.

“You drive me crazy you know that?” Leo said.

“I’m okay with that.” He responded. Leo sat back up after his moment to collect himself.

“Well? I gotta study don’t I?” Pavel laughed picking up the flash cards again.

The night before Christmas there was a large get together in their neighborhood of general merriment. There was a choir that Toby and Livonia were a part of. They had been excited for their friends to listen to them sing the old carols. He and Leo walked around drinking hot cocoa and walking hand in hand. Well, Leo was drinking hot cocoa. 

“It’s not even cold out! How can you drink that?”

“It’s cool enough.” The other boy argued. “Besides it’s Christmas!” Pavel just shook his head. “Wait ‘til you have momma’s sweet potato pie tomorrow.”

“That cannot be a real thing.” Pavel had spent his Christmas’ going home to see his family, even the traditions he had taken part of in the US were things that Hikuru had introduced him to.

“You’ll love it.” Leo insisted with a carefree smile that Pavel couldn’t help but return. 

“If you say so. It doesn’t really have marshmallows on it, does it?” Leo laughed instead of answering.

The next morning he was woken up with a sweet kiss and a sleepy murmur of ‘Merry Christmas.’ When everyone met in the living room around the tree they started opening gifts. Pavel had gotten John a new pour over coffee pot, and Dana a case for her PADD. Dana and John both got Pavel soft hand made socks, and a small bag of gelt. He chuckled at the simple and thoughtful gift. He made Leo try some of the terrible chocolate to which he replied, ‘not bad.’ His boyfriend truly had no taste.

“Here, I hope you like it.” Leo said handing him the simple square box. Pavel opened it to reveal a 360 degree projections orb.

“Thank you!” He had always thought of getting one, but wondered if he would ever really use it. “I love it!” He kissed Leo on the cheek.

“I had a special program made for it. I’ll show you later.” He said; bashful Leo making a return, which made him curious about the special program he had for it.

“Your turn.” Pavel said handing Leo the small red box. Leo removed the ribbon tying it shut and opened it to reveal a necklace. It had a small silver pendant that housed a bluish green polished stone. It was on a delicate looking silver chain, and Pavel was nervous again that Leo wouldn't like it, the other boy didn't even wear jewelry. 

“I know it’s not quite the style you usually have, but I thought it was pretty and maybe you could wear it and think of me…” Leo cut off Pavel’s rambling with a chaste kiss.

“Pasha, it’s beautiful. I love it.” He said ginning. He took if from the box and put it on. It hit just at his collar bone, Dana was right it looked nice on him. “Well, how do I look?” Pavel stared at him; dark hair still a mess, in an old and faded t-shirt, his hazel eyes sparkling. 

“So handsome.” He answered honestly.

It was a wonderful day spent together. Dana’s parents came for dinner. Pavel had only met them in passing before. They watched movies and yes, ate sweet potato pie. It wasn’t Pavel’s favorite new dish. After, they played board games, Leo’s grandparents went home and Pavel finally had time alone with Leo as they laid down on their bed.

“We should use the projector! Then we could have some snow!” Pavel said pointing at his present.

“Oh yeah, snow would have been smart.”

“What is my special program then?” Leo set up the projector and turned out the lights.

“Remember if you don’t like this we can change it, and pretend it didn’t happen.”

“…okay…” _What could he have programed?_ The projection started and Pavel was excited to see stars projected all around him. “We’re in space!” Pavel exclaimed, but Leo stayed quiet. As he looked closer he saw that these were specific stars. It was a compilation of the star charts Pavel had been studying. “Oh, Leo.” He whispered. In the quiet dark space it was almost like he was sitting on the observation deck.

“Do you like it?” Leo asked, unsure. Pavel could feel tears gather at the corners of his eyes, at the sweet gesture.

“Yes, come sit.”

“I know you said…It’s not like it’s the same thing, but…” Leo laid back down next to Pavel staring up at their makeshift outer space.

“It’s wonderful, Thank you.” Pavel was tucked against Leo’s side as he pointed out and named the constellations and systems around them. They sat silently for a little while watching the universe go by.

“You might have a point. It really is beautiful.” Leo said after a while. Pavel turned to face him.

“You gave me the universe.” He said softly. 

“Of course, I’ll give you everything.”

“I don’t need everything, just you. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Pavel kissed Leo hungrily and pulled him close. Leo made a surprised noise and responded in kind.

“Pasha.”

“I want you to make love to me, Leo. Under the stars.” Pavel pulled at him so that Leo was forced to sprawl on top of him.

“God, Pasha, yes!” It was late enough for Leo’s parents to be asleep, but Pavel knew they would still have to try to be quiet. He just wanted Leo. He wanted to give Leo all that he could, and he wanted to make him feel as good as his present made him feel. Leo kissed him slipping his hands under Pavel’s shirt, and putting his weight into grinding his hardening cock into Pavel. They were both eager to get the other undressed, they had to part to quickly shed their clothes. Once they were naked Leo was on top of him again, Kissing down his chest trailing his way to his cock. He put a hand on Pavel stroking him to hardness and pressing a wet kiss to the tip. Leo was becoming very good at sucking cock, and he seemed to like it. Anytime they fooled around he wanted to get on his knees for Pavel. How could the other boy complain about that?

He teased the head for a few torturous minutes, Pavel had a hard grip on the sheets. “Leo.” He said loud enough to get his attention. “Get me ready Leo, I need you.” He said breathlessly. Leo smiled like he knew exactly how turned on he was with Leo’s flushed face millimeters from his cock, his own round perfect ass in the air, and the light from the projector dancing across his skin. Leo moved to rummage in the bedside table. He extracted the tube of lube that was there. He squirted some out on his fingers, and sat back on his heels. He brought his hand to Pavel’s hole and just rubbed there for a few moments.

“The angle’s weird.” Leo murmured to himself, “Here. “ He took a pillow and motioned for Pavel to raise his hips. “There” He said triumphantly as he went back, this time working his first finger into Pavel. He loved this feeling when the two of them would fool around, but this intrusion felt different. Maybe because he knew it would go further than just teasing. “You’re so pretty, Pasha.” Leo said rubbing the inside of his thigh with his other hand. Pavel’s words were gone as he stared at Leo framed by constellations, still wearing Pavel’s present around his neck, catching the light. He was mesmerizing. The finger moving in and out of him always felt strange, but erotic. Soon he felt another finger press against him, the stretch now more than he was used to. “Still good?” Leo asked now reaching for Pavel’s cock. The dual sensations were a lot for Pavel to process, but he knew he didn’t want Leo to stop so he nodded emphatically. He pulled Leo down to kiss him, but it caused his hand to ben at a strange angle making him hiss. “Sorry!” Leo said pulling away.

“It’s ok.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He said bending to kiss his abdomen instead. The feeling of want and arousal was building in Pavel again as he grew accustom to the feeling.

“Leo, I think I’m ready.” He said gently tugging at his boyfriends hair. Leo sat up and Pavel could see that he was hard as nails. Pavel loved that he made Leo want so badly. He kissed him roughly, and it was perfect.

“I’ll go slow okay?” Pavel nodded, and watched as Leo squeezed out more lube and coated his cock. He took a few deep breaths after that, calming himself down a little Pavel smiled at the thought of how worked up he was when Pavel hadn’t even touched him.

“Fuck me, krasivyy.” He whispered. When Leo opened his eyes again he descended on Pavel for another hard kiss.

“You’re gonna kill me, Pasha.” He leaned back again, taking himself in hand and lining up with Pasha’s hole. The pressure was intense and unlike anything Pavel had ever felt. It hurt, but at the same time Pavel didn’t want it to stop. “You still with me?” Pavel realized he had closed his eyes. When he opened them Leo was braced above him looking worried.

“Yes, don’t stop.” Leo pressed further in, his features morphing into pure pleasure.

“Goddamn, you’re so tight.” Pavel was still trying to adjust to the stretch, but he was glad it felt good for Leo. It was long moments of that intense feeling, that had Pavel worried he wouldn't enjoy this at all. “I’m going to move more okay?” Pavel couldn't speak so he just nodded. As Leo began to thrust shallowly the pressure became less an less and melted into pleasure. He wrapped his long legs around Leo’s waist to encourage him to go faster. “I’m so close.” Leo groaned. He snaked his hand between them and started stroking Pavel as best as he could.

“Yes, faster Leo.” Pavel had been biting his lip. Now that it felt good, he didn’t want to get loud enough to wake Leo’s parents. Leo on the other hand was making a lot of little noises; breathy moans, and little keening noises mixed with the occasional grunt from the effort he was exerting. Pavel ate up every sound, every barely audible word breathed against his lips, and the way the lights danced over his shoulders and face, his beautiful Leo. He twisted his hand just right under the crown of Pavel’s cock while his thrusts became deep. His hips where as flush with Pavel’s bottom as they could get from this position, and Pavel felt that frenzied release of his orgasm wash over him. He could barely register Leo stilling completely and moaning in his ear as he found his own release. They lay like that for a few minutes, breath evening out. Pavel held Leo tight with his arms and legs, and idly ran his hand through the other’s hair. He stared up at the, as of yet, uncharted part of the universe. If time was as fluid a concept as Pavel had encountered, he could happily float in this moment forever. The body however has it’s own limitations. 

“You’re heavy.” He said finally breaking the moment.

“Oh, sorry!” Leo again braced himself over Pavel. He stared down at him for a moment before leaning down to giving him a sweet soft kiss. “I love you.” He said before moving to pull out and grab some tissues.

“I love you too.” Pavel moved to take the offered tissue to clean up.

“Are you sore?” Pavel thought critically about the way his body felt now.

“A little.” Honestly it was more of a phantom feeling, like he could still feel Leo inside of him. “It was good, it felt good.” Pavel reassured. “Was it good for you?” Pavel was trying to make his question sound sexy.

“It was amazing, Pasha. You’re amazing.” Leo said pulling Pavel down to lay with him. “I get what the big deal is now.” He said grinning. He felt relief at those words, perhaps he had been a little nervous about his own performance. He looked at his lover and smirked.

“We’ll have to do it again, then.” They both chuckled.

“We can always try it the other way around too.” Leo whispered.

“Really?” Pavel actually wasn’t sure if Leo had any interest in bottoming.

“Well not right now.” He said with a well timed yawn. Pavel giggled cuddling close.

“Good-night krasivyy.” 

“Good-night darlin’.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for the Russian it is 100% google translate.


	11. Campus Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys travel to Ol' Miss.

They managed to pass the rest of Leo’s break like that. They had a New Years Eve party at Toby’s house, Pavel felt so lucky that night. Of all the places that the impossible thing could have sent him he was here, with friends and a boy that loves him.

“Any resolutions Pavel?” Livonia asked as they drank sparkling champagne.

“I’ve never had one before. I don’t want to break tradition.”

“What about you Len?” Leo thought for a moment.

“I want to beat Toby at Host 12.”

“That’s not a resolution!” She exclaimed. 

“Fine, I resolve to beat Toby at Host 12.” Leo answered 

“Never gonna happen buddy.” Toby replied.

“You should resolve to give up that terrible cereal you eat.” Payton quipped.

“I need that!”

“No one needs that!” He shot back.

“I’ve been told I need all the sweetness I can get.” Leo retorted sticking his tounge out.

“Eh, I like you salty.” Pavel shrugged.

The next few months flew by, Leo was back at school and now he had basketball practice as well. Pavel went to every one of his games, cheering him on and Leo would look up to the bleachers to give him a smile. It felt like he was in one of those kind of high school movies, where a happy pop song would play over a montage of these little moments. It was the kind of life that should have been perfectly average, but for Pavel, it was like some sort of fantasy.

There was also a lot to prepare for the move to Mississippi for Pavel. Leo would be busy with school, but Pavel would need a job. They would also have to find off campus housing since Pavel wasn’t a student. Pavel researched the area around the school to see what kind of opportunities there would be for him. He even scheduled a short trip of them to check out the campus and the town together.

They did a road trip of course, because they couldn’t fly. Luckily it wasn’t too far from Atlanta. They set out when it got closer to spring, Leo picking the music for the drive, mostly country music, which Pavel tolerated. He got a playlist from Zaharah who had music taste much closer to his own. One pop band in particular that he hadn’t realized was popular this far back in time. Although this favorite song from them hasn’t been released yet, he happily sang along with their older music. 

“’Kuru said that snacks where the most important part of a road trip.” Pavel said popping a corn nut into in mouth.

“Sounds like a smart guy. Ever road trip with him?” Leo laughed keeping his eyes on the road. Pavel thought about being a student, when they took a short uneventful trip to northern California once. He instead thought of the enterprise and how sometimes on the bridge he, Hikuru, and the Captain would play ‘road trip’ games under Mr. Spock’s judgmental eye.

“Not like this.” He smiled at Leo’s sun kissed profile. Much to his mothers chagrin he was growing his hair out, he liked the added length. He loved running his fingers through it. “Do you want to play the alphabet game?” Leo chuckled.

“Okay, but standard only! No cheating in Russian!”

They arrived a little tired but in good spirits. Leo had a meeting with a career counselor, and Pavel had some time to look at the possible housing. He finished earlier than he anticipated and headed back to campus.

Pavel knew he should be looking for housing or even somewhere he could work, but the lure of aerospace program called to him like a siren song. He even snuck into a lecture. He sat quietly in the back listening to the professor talk about introductory quantum mechanics. When he posited a question Pavel couldn't help but raise his hand to answer. The professor bemusedly called on ‘our guest' and nodded enthusiastically when Pavel gave the right answer.

“Very good! Perhaps I'll see you enrolled in my class next semester!” he said encouragingly. Pavel nodded and smiled, even if he were to attend this school he was far passed this class. He stayed to the end before moving on to explore more of the campus. He was unprepared to see a large Starfleet insignia at the entrance of one of the hallways. It was a wing dedicated to classes for students who where intending to apply to the academy. The faces of the people passing him now might be people he had unknowingly met in the future, maybe even some that had been on the Enterprise with him. He stared at the familiar symbol with a heavy heart. He jumped when his communicator buzzed.

_Where are you?_

Pavel tapped out a quick message that he would come meet him, but Leo was closer to this building than he thought.

“Thinkin' about enrolling?” Leo asked unevenly.

“No!” Pavel answered too quickly. He didn't know what to say, he suddenly felt guilty and they stood in an awkward silence.

“You’re still thinkin' about space.” Something about the way Leo said it rubbed him the wrong way. Like he was disappointed. 

“Yes, did you think I would stop?” He said defensively.

“No.” Leo muttered, “but I thought you said you couldn't go.” He couldn't say why but hearing that made him angry.

“I could one day.” He said a little too loud. “I don't want to be stuck on Earth my whole life.”

“Stuck?” Now Leo sounded mad too. “Sorry Earth seems like such a second rate planet to you.” He drawled sarcastically. Pavel pushed passed him heading back to the truck. “Hey!” Pavel didn't turn, just quickly made his way to the parking lot. He assumed Leo was just quietly following him.

“Don't put words in my mouth!” He turned to face Leo when they reached the truck. “You know I didn't mean that.”

“You're the one who said you feel stuck!” 

“I wish to travel, and explore. Earth will always be my home. You're being obtuse on purpose!”

“You're obtuse!” He yelled nonsensically.

“Don't get angry with me just because you're afraid to fly.” Pavel knew it was low blow the second the words left his mouth, but the reply he got was somehow more devastating.

“Yeah I am, so have fun in space without me!” It was possibly the first time since arriving in the past that the Leo he was looking at was completely separate of the doctor he had met on the Enterprise. He had always imagined space travel with Leo, because…that's where they first met. No, that was were _he_ first met the doctor, Leo met him here on Earth. He looked at the face of his boyfriend, angry and scared, and not intending to ever step foot on a star ship. He couldn't help but think of the older man and how, for all that he complained about space, would be the first one barking orders when there was an emergency. The man that he heard condescendingly call Captain Kirk a hero, when it seemed like he himself couldn't help but save lives. Pavel didn't know what to do with the two McCoy's in his mind.

Leo, still a little red faced and scowling got into the drivers side and slammed the door. For a few moments Pavel just stood there frozen unsure if he was supposed to get in or not. His stunned brain finally kicked into gear when he realized that Leo was sitting there shaking, not from anger, but from fear.

“Leo!” Pavel opened the door and pulled the other boy so that he was sitting side ways, his breath was coming in short gasps. Pavel put his hand on the back of his neck and encouraged him to put his head between his knees. “Leo, breathe! You're ok!” After awhile, long enough that Pavel wondered if he should call a doctor, Leo’s breathing started to even out. 

“I'm sorry,” he leaned against Pavel and the shorter boy smoothed a hand through his hair soothing him, while the other was around his waist supporting his weight.

“Don't be sorry, I…I didn't realize your phobia was that bad.”

“It's not usually quite that bad, I don't know..” Leo trailed off, holding on to Pavel so tightly. Pavel had an idea, that the thought of flight with the added adrenalin of their first big fight probably caused this reaction. Still Pavel felt bad about teasing him…he had even teased the doctor about his phobia, when it was clearly a much stronger aversion than he let anyone see. 

Pavel drove them back to the dorm they were staying in, making sure Leo had plenty of water and wrapped him in a blanket. The next day he insisted he was fine to drive them home. Their journey back was quieter than the trip there.

“Hey, we're okay right?” Leo didn't posit the question until they were back home. Someplace safe. Pavel didn't know what to think. He didn't want to break up, he truly loved the other boy, but…eventually he was determined to travel. Leo was right though, it wasn't in his immediate future. Doctor McCoy didn't join Starfleet until he was older. Perhaps this Leo too would just need time, and Pavel was playing a waiting game of his own.

“Yes, we're okay.” He leaned over and kissed him sweetly.


	12. When the future is your past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys relationship seem to be back on track.

The Basketball team made it to the playoffs, but didn’t win. They still had a small party for Leo and Payton to celebrate the end of the season.

“Now we can talk about senior prank!” Payton said in the middle of dinner.

“What is that? You shouldn’t prank seniors.” Pavel said.

“What? No not senior citizens. Us! The seniors play a prank on the school.”

“Yes, that makes more sense.”

“Hardly, count me out.” Leo replied.

“No way McCoy! You have to!” 

“Yeah, Len it’s going to be fun.” Livonia agreed.

“I heard that Mikey and his friends were talking about painting the mascot.” Toby offered.

“We can do better than that.” Livonia countered.

“That does sound fun.” Pavel said nudging Leo.

“It always starts out that way and gets out of hand faster than a bat out hell.”

“You sound like your mom.” Pavel said softly. Leo muttered non-commitally.

“What about the mycillian Jelly? I still have some.” Zaharah asked.

“Will it glow in the daylight?” Toby asked.

“No, not so much.” She conceded.

“A friend of mine tried to beam one of our instructor's dog to a different planet!” Pavel said. 

“How did that work out?” Payton asked. Pavel took a moment to remember all of Scotty's story.

“Eh…maybe that is not a good idea.” He said with a grimace.

“Not to mention we don't have access to a transporter.” Leo added.

“We could do something to the Principal though.” Payton continued. 

After more debate, they decided that they would fill the Principal‘s office with ping-pong balls. Pavel helped them get the large amount of balls to the school, but insisted on waiting outside since he wasn't a senior. He was happy to see Leo was actually excited to pull the prank, grinning the whole time. He also made sure to take a video of the event complete with the balls scattering everywhere when the door was finally opened. The seniors obligingly collected all the balls and took a picture with them and their principal for the yearbook.

Before he knew it, it was May and they were getting ready for graduation. Pavel developed a program for Leo to aid in his studies as a gift. Maybe not the most romantic gift, but he knew Leo would appreciate it. Paton and Livonia were also graduating, all of them standing together in their caps and gowns. The ceremony was long and a little tedious, but Pavel had gotten used to that sort of thing in Starfleet. At least this time he wasn’t expected to sit or stand in his uniform. Leo was of the same mind. 

“Good lord that took forever!” He said meeting up with Pavel and his parents later. Dana cried, and anyone could see John practically bursting with pride. Everything was chaotic after that, it felt like days before Pavel was alone in their room.

Leo was taking a shower, and Pavel was looking up at the projections from his Christmas present. This time he picked a pretty sunset program.

“Hey.” Leo walked in, hair still damp and a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Hey.” Pavel smiled drinking in the other boy’s toned arms and chest. Leo shut the door behind him.

“Take off your clothes.” He commanded gently. Pavel quirked his eyebrow, but compiled standing to strip slowly. Until he was down to his boxers.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” He said playfully. Even though Leo started off in charge, he was back to being a little bashful. He removed his towel, cock already getting hard between his legs. Pavel removed his boxers and moved forward to kiss Leo, tender and sweet. Leo walked him back to the bed Pavel let himself fall to lay down.

“Sit up.” Leo said still standing in front of him. Pavel again took his lead and sat up. Leo straddled Pavel’s lap, capturing his lips again the kiss still tender. Pavel ran his hands up and down his back. He wasn’t sure what Leo was thinking, he hadn't brought up the topic of bottoming since Christmas. Now he gave him a firm, but questioning squeeze. Leo moaned into the kiss, grinding down into him.

"Pasha, I'm ready. Want to…” He breathed against Pavel’s mouth.

“Are you sure?” Pavel asked putting more intention behind his exploration of Leo’s ass  
.  
“Yeah, I um…I fingered myself in the shower.” He said hiding his face in Pavel’s neck. Pavel’s fingers trailed down to find his hole, pressing just a little.

“Did you think of me? Think of me fucking you?” Pavel asked huskily.

“Yes.” Leo said with a breathy little moan. Pavel took a firm hold of Leo’s round backside and pulled them together to get friction on their cocks, rocking his hips as best as he could.

“Leo, how do you want to do this?” Pavel sensed a little trepidation, so he wanted to make sure Leo was in charge of everything. He wanted the experience to be everything his first time had been.

“Hands and knees?” 

“Okay.” Pavel smiled up as the dark haired boy. There was a sort of determination there. Leo got off Pavel’s lap and Pavel retrieved the lube from the bedside table. Leo got on his hands and knees as he said and Pavel slicked his fingers. His other hand was placed on one cheek spreading him so he could see Leo’s pucker. He spread lube around the rim, before slowly starting to press in. Even though they had had sex many times he realized that this was as open and venerable as he had ever seen Leo before. “Let me know if it’s too much.” He said reassuringly letting his other hand rub from his round ass to his lower back.

“It’s good, I’m good.” Leo answered.

“The angle’s better if you lower to your elbows.” Pavel added coyly. Leo leaned further down following Pavel’s suggestion.

“Oh, yeah I feel it now.” Leo let out a soft keening sound as Pavel was now at a better angle to hit his prostate.

“Okay, two now.” He wasn’t sure if narrating everything he was doing was helping, but he thought it better not to surprise Leo with anything right now. He worked two fingers in as gently as the first, Leo made noises, but not of distress so Pavel kept going. Soon he was working them in and out at a steady pace. “Leo you are so beautiful, every bit of you.” Pavel leaned forward to lay a kiss on the small of his back. Leo looked back at him best as he could over his shoulder and smiled.

“You trying to sweet talk me?” 

“Always.” Pavel was fascinated by the pink pucker clinging to his fingers as he stroked in and out, Leo’s strong thighs and back stretched out before him, just for him. “Do you think you’re ready?” Leo didn’t answer just rocked his hips back and forth a few more times.

“Yeah, yeah I think so. Just go slow.” Pavel blanketed himself over Leo’s back kissing his neck and shoulder.

“Don’t worry krasivyy, you can always tell me to stop.” Pavel sat back and squeezed out more lube, he coated his cock and had to squeeze the base. He didn’t want to come too soon. “Ready?”

“Ready.” Pavel grasped Leo’s hips and lined his cock up with his hole. He started to push in slowly meeting initial resistance before getting the head to pop in. God, he had been so worried about telling Leo what this would be like he hadn’t thought to ask what _he_ would feel. Leo was so hot and tight around him, it was unlike anything he had felt before. Even Leo’s mouth didn’t quite feel like this.

“I’m going to push in more okay?”

“Yeah.” Leo’s voice was strained. He knew what he was feeling, that pressure you think will never end. Pavel kept going, thrusting shallowly to work more in. He let loose a sting of Russian profanities. “You are amazing.” He finally said in standard. “Still okay?” He ran his hand along the length of his back.

“Yeah, it’s just …a lot.” His voice was still a little strained, but not like he was in pain. Pavel leaned forward as he seated himself fully, and wasn’t that glorious? To be held so completely in Leo’s inviting body? He reached down and tried his best to coordinate his shallow thrusting and stroking Leo’s cock it was only half hard, but Pavel was able to work him back to full hardness. “Going to start thrusting now.”

“Yeah.” Leo rocked a little against him and when he started thrusting, Pavel felt his pleasure build, he was not going to last long.

“It’s so good. He groaned against Leo’s nape.

“Wait…wait stop.” Leo said softly, but Pavel heard it as clear as if he had shouted. He quickly straightened.

“Is it…are you okay? Did I hurt you?” Pavel carefully pulled free, mind racing with what could have gone   
wrong.

“No, no I just…”Leo turned over, his cheeks were red and he was still hard, cock bobbing as he moved. He spread his legs once he was on his back and pulled Pavel closer. “I want to see you.” Pavel went willingly, relief washing over him. He smiled and kissed Leo before lining up to push in again. Leo wrapped his legs around his waist. When he started thrusting he was happy Leo had made them change positions he could see pleasure on Leo’s face, his eyes hooded, mouth parted and panting. It was a heady experience. “Pasha, you feel so…big.” He chuckled a little possibly at the strange way the declaration came out.

“You feel scorching hot.” Pavel returned to stroking Leo’s length and there was no more time for words just that torturously good build to release. Leo came with a sound that his parents would definitely be able to hear if they were still awake. The squeeze of Leo’s body around him had Pavel’s orgasm hitting him like a surprise. He didn’t know how he managed to keep from collapsing on Leo but he did. In the following tremors of his orgasm he thrust a few more times into the pliant body beneath him punching another too loud noise from his lover. “Sorry, too sensitive?” He said as he carefully pulled out.

“No, I mean yeah, but that was….mmm fuck.” He said a smile spread across his face. He lay boneless as Pavel moved to clean them up a bit.

“So, you’re first time was good?”

“Definitely good.” Leo curled onto his side cuddling close to Pavel. He knows that feeling too.

“You were amazing, felt amazing.” Pavel responded sleepily.

“You were right it hurt at first, but I didn’t want you to stop and it felt like too much…” Leo got quiet, Pavel looked at him closely, he was worrying his bottom lip. “It’s definitely a different feeling.”

“I love it, love having you inside me.” Pavel offered. He remembered how hard it was to put into words how it felt. To be so open and venerable and admitting that you enjoyed it.

“Yeah, I love that too.” Leo chuckled. “But we could do this again some time.” Pavel kissed his lover and the two went to sleep. They had a whole summer of this ahead of them and Pavel was looking forward to it.

******

It was about a week later, while Pavel was out for his run, that the plan changed. He was thinking about how it had been almost a year since he had been stranded in time, when a figure in the distance pulled him from his thoughts. It wasn’t unusual to see other people out running this trail occasionally, but the figure had emerged from the tree line at a quick jog then looked around as if lost. Once they saw Pavel they stopped and waited. It was a man, he could see as he got closer. When he finally was close enough to see his features Pavel stopped dead in his tracks. 

“Doctor?”


	13. The Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What our friends on the Enterprise did when Ensign Chekov disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told from McCoy's POV

“Great, just what we need, another Jim Kirk.” Bones grumbled.

“Such strange compliments.” The kid said with a devious grin.

“That was not a compliment!” He insisted. He was already getting grey hair; every last one of them named after Jim, he didn’t need the kid adding to them. He followed Chekov into the depression keeping his eyes on the glowing-not-glowing-orb-rock-ball-of-gas-space nonsense in front of him. He got out his scanner not sure what he would find. It was making his readings looks wrong. Human-not human, this ball of nonsense was everything and nothing.

“What does it say?

“I don’t know, honestly it just makes my scanner look broken.” Chekov studied his own scanner, brow furrowing in a way that made Bones assume his readings were weird too. He turned his attention back to the thing. 

He couldn’t look at this Pavel too long without thinking of _his_ Pavel. It was uncanny how much he resembled the other boy. It unnerved him whenever he went to the bridge or passed the ensign in the hallway. It brought to light a lot of things he often pushed to the shadowy parts of his mind.

He could see the day clearly that he met his Pasha. He had been out getting a few things for his mom. He could almost feel the hot Atlanta summer sun on his skin. He could hear Pavel say something, but he sounded like he was under water. Bones couldn't pull himself out of his thoughts to focus on anything else, too lost in the memory. The smaller boy that had literally run into him. He could see it all more clearly than a usual memory. Then there was a very real impact knocking him back, flat on his ass. He shook his head to clear it. He never got so lost in thought before. He looked up to see the nonsense thing and the orange sky of the planet.

“Chekov?” He stood looking around frantically. “Where is he?” He turned to the two engineers.

“That thing touched him and he just…disappeared.” One said eyes wide, mouth agape. Bones didn’t know what to do. He looked around again as if the kid would suddenly materialize in front of him. He climbed back out to get as far away from that thing as he could. He got out his communicator and flagged the ship.

“McCoy to Enterprise!”

“Bones, what is it?”

“It’s Chekov! Damnit I lost the kid!”

Bones sat on a rock with his head in his hands. Jim, Spock, and some of his science crew had beamed down and were talking amongst themselves. He made sure to shout at everyone that they should not stare too long at the space nonsense. This was his fault, the kid was apparently trying to push him out of the way. He was having the strangest thoughts, he felt crazy and guilty, but mostly he felt a mounting dread that he was right.

“Hey.” Jim came up behind him laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Don’t beat yourself up. This isn’t your fault.” He said reassuringly.

“He was trying to protect me.” He ground out bitterly.

“Well…he is the security officer. He was doing his job, Bones.” He looked at Jim for a moment before casting a weary eye to the rest of the away crew.

“Can I talk to you for a minute. Completely off the record?” Jim looked surprised, but nodded.

“Something you need to get off your chest?” He asked but the other man didn’t answer, just showed him a picture on his communicator. “Is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s my high school graduation.”

“That…” Jim looked at the pic like he was loosing his mind. Leonard told Jim about his ill fated first love, but he had never showed him pictures. “That is my navigator. What the hell!”

“What do you mean what the hell?”

“You said Chekov looked like your Pavel, not ‘Hey, check out this weird doppelgänger situation’!” 

“What good would that have done? You would have done the same thing I did and chalked it up to weird serendipity.”

“Okay, okay, you’re right.” Jim scratched his forehead and scrunched his face in concentration. “Please tell me you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking.”

“Jim, he showed up out of nowhere and disappeared without a trace. He even told me once that Lenik wasn’t his real name! That thing…it hypnotized me or something and all I could think about was the day we met.” Bones said in a harried and hushed tone. Kirk groaned deep in his throat.

“Time travel. Yup, you’re suggesting time travel.” He rubbed his temples. “I hate how much sense that makes. The problem is how do we get him back? We can’t get a read on this thing at all.”

“I don’t know, but we found a way before, we must have!” 

“Spock!” Jim called, motioning for the commander to join them.

“Yes, Captain.” He responded placidly, standing at attention.

“I’m warning you now, we are going to be taking way more leaps in logic than you’re comfortable with, but I need you to access your human side and just roll with it, okay?” Spock did the thing, raising one annoying Vulcan eyebrow.

“I don’t understand.”

“Yeah, get used to that feeling. So…what if…that thing can transport someone through time and space, and we know exactly what time and space Chekov is in, _theoretically_ , what could we do to lock on to him to bring him back.”

“Theoretically? Nothing, Captain.”

“Nothing my ass! You need to find a way you pointy eared as-…!” Jim cut him off placing a hand on Bones chest and standing between he and Spock.

“Okay, calm down.”

“Perhaps it would be prudent that Dr. McCoy return to the ship to collect himself.”

“I’ll collect you!” Bones shouted nonsensically.

“That’s not necessary because we need Bones and because he’s fine.” Jim said raising his eyebrows silently willing him to be fine. McCoy folded his arms across his chest, but stayed quiet. “Okay, so why is there nothing we can do? Theoretically.”

“Theoretically, it is nearly impossible for us to get an accurate reading on the entity. Given enough time we could possibly calibrate the signature of the entity in order to lock on to an energy trace of Mr. Chekov, but time is not on our side where he is concerned.”

“What do you mean, by that?” Bones spit out.

“The entity is moving, Doctor.” Spock motioned toward the time and space nonsense. “It is almost imperceptible, but it is constantly on the move. Theoretically, I would have to posit that by the time we were able to find a signature it will have moved too far from the position it first took Mr. Chekov. If, as you theorize, this entity can bend space and time, the chances of bending it back greatly decrease if the physical space of the entity changes.”

“So theoretically, how would we speed up the process of calculation?” Kirk pleaded carefully, not wanting his CMO to deck his commanding officer.

“We can’t.” Bones could feel blood rushing in his ears. How could Spock stand there and say there was no solution! He found it once he needed to find it now! “Not unless we could acquire something that had traveled the same path through space and time as Mr. Chekov.”

“Holy Shit.” He breathed.

“Are you sure Dr. McCoy wouldn't be more content on the ship?” Jim ignored Spock.

“What is it?” He asked Bones instead. He swallowed as he met Jim’s gaze, he gave Spock a fleeting glance before reaching up to undo the clasp of his necklace. He slid off one of the two charms on it and held it out for Spock to take.

“A scanner crystal?” The Vulcan asked, taking the offered crystal.

“Pavel’s scanner crystal.” He didn’t lift his eyes from the ground as he re-clasped the necklace and tucked it under his uniform shirt.

“How can this be Mr. Chekov’s when it has been here the whole time?” Spock queried with that damn eyebrow of his. Jim must have sensed the storm brewing under the doctor’s skin.

“Spock,” He grabbed the other man by the arm and guided him away from Bones, but still within earshot. “As much as I love to watch you two hen-peck each other, today’s not the day.”

“Captain…”

“Theoretically, can you do this?”

“Theoretically? Yes, but it is still highly unlikely to work.”

“Great, I live for highly unlikely!” Jim said sending him on his way. McCoy sat heavily back down on his rock. “Bones?”

“You know Jim, I really don’t want to talk about it right now.” Jim tried to give him a reassuring pat before leaving him with his thoughts


	14. I'm a Doctor, not a Time Traveler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> McCoy goes back in time to get Pavel, but will the crew be able to bring both of them back? Will Pavel even want to come back?

_They were sitting side by side on the dock at the lake, feet dangling in the water below. He was going on about what he had learned last semester in his ecology class, pointing at the reeds near them and talking about local wildlife. There was a part of his brain that was panicking even as he continued. After all there was no reason for Pavel to want to hear what he had to say about anything, much less a half remembered intro class. But when he looked at the other boy’s face, he was smiling gently and giving him all of his attention. His hazel eyes always seemed to sparkle with interest no matter who is talking. As much as Len thought for sure that Pavel must be humoring him, he never saw that on his face._

_“Are you interested in natural sciences?” Pavel asked when he finally finished._

_“I don’t know, I just thought it was kind of interesting.” Len answered looking down at his hands._

_“It is! Thank you, I don’t know much about this part of the world.” Pavel replied. He gave Len that bright genuine smile that made him look so damn cute. Len wasn’t quite sure if the other boy was really interested in him or not. Sometimes he thought maybe he was, but he didn’t want to assume when it could just be his own crush that was making him see what he wanted._

_There were a lot of mysteries when it came to Pavel, but when Len really thought about him it was his unending energy and his smile. He admired how easily Pavel would jump into an unfamiliar situation. It made him feel a little bolder just being around him._

_“Your nose is getting red.” Len finally said, instead of something embarrassing like ‘can I run my fingers through your curls?’ His hand flew to his face._

_“It’s is too sunny here!” He said, with a scowl on his face. “Russian skin was not meant for this kind of abuse!’ He lamented dramatically._

_“You are pretty pale.” Len said giggling. “Come on lets get you some more sunscreen.”_

_“Why is Georgia so damn hot?” Pavel asked miserably._

_“I didn’t think you swore.”_

_“I swear sometimes. I’ve been around mostly adults my whole life.”_

_“My parents yell at me when I swear.” He knew he sounded whiney. “Like dad doesn’t swear.”_

_“Well, I’m not their son.”_

_“Mhmmm.” Len sighed as they walked toward the campsite. “Too bad you don’t like Georgia, it’s been really nice having you here.” He said._

_“I guess it’s not so bad.” Pavel smirked at him, “At least the people are nice. I like them.” Len could feel his cheeks flush in a way that had nothing to do with the heat. Pavel bit his lip, looked away quickly and jogged ahead. It was an uncharacteristically shy move for him, and it made Len’s heart flutter that maybe it wasn’t just his imagination that Pavel liked him back._

It had been a while since he had really let himself think about Pasha. Those early days when he awkwardly flirted with Pavel and was unsure if his feelings were reciprocated. It made so much more sense now. Of course, Pavel didn’t know what to do with the younger version of himself, not just being in an unfamiliar place, but the wrong time. He was surprised he held himself together as well as he did.

Jim came jogging up to him looking unsure.

“Okay, so Spock thinks he has a lock on the other crystal. The thing is, the only way we can beam Chekov back is if he’s holding the crystal.” Jim looked at Bones in question.

“No, he only had it the one time. Besides if he’s holding it won’t he bring it back here with him? That’s a paradox! I can’t have it here if he keeps it with him.” Bones argued. The captain let out an exasperated sigh.

“I was afraid you’d say that. Spock is working on the other option. We break the crystal in two and send someone back. That person has one half; locates Pavel and we use the other half to pull them both back here!” He explained, sounding a little manic.

“Okay, I’ll go.”

“No, see this was plan B for a reason. We risk two people and we’re not sure it’ll even work! There is no way to test it.”

“It’ll work.”

“I don’t like this, you being the reckless one.” Jim grumbled as Bones brushed passed him.

“Like a taste of your own medicine?”

“You do realize it might not work? After all you don’t know what happened to Pavel _after_ he disappeared.”

“I don’t care.” He said stonily. Jim sighed again.

“I was afraid you’d say that too.” He led him over to Spock and the away team.

“The person who goes will have this beacon that is powered by the crystal. When they have located Mr. Chekov, they will press this button and we will attempt to bring them back.” Spock explained.

“That is if the beacon lights when they press the button.” Jim added gravely.

“Correct.”

“Great, press a button, so simple even I can do it.” Bones said snatching the device out of Spock’s hand. Spock did the eyebrow thing _again_ and looked at Jim.

“Captain, is it wise to send our CMO on a retrieval mission?”

“Spock, I’m going! So get over it already.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m the only one that knows exactly where he’ll be.” He replied simply. He stripped off his medical blues leaving him in his black undershirt.

“Why are you disrobing?”

“I’m gonna stick our like a sore thumb in my uniform. You got a problem with that?”

“No, your logic is sound.” Bones calmed a bit at Spock agreeing with him for once. “Doctor, I must impress upon you a sense of urgency. You must use the signal beacon as soon as you are able. The longer you wait the likely hood of your return will greatly diminish.”

“You could have just said ‘be quick about it’.” He grumbled. The three of them stood at the edge of the depression.

“Be careful.” Jim said. Bones climbed down into the depression, clutching the beacon. He looked up at the other two, and maybe he was imagining things, but it looked like Spock was worried too.

“It’ll work.” He said one last time before turning his attention back to ‘the entity’. He took a deep breath before letting himself think of the last time he saw Pavel. That morning he had woke as Pavel moved around getting ready for his run. It was so real he could feel the sheets, he could smell Pavel as he leaned down to to kiss him one last time. ‘I’m going for a run, see you in a bit.’ ‘Have a good run, darlin’’ There was a light dream like quality to this vision and then a pinch in his hand. McCoy felt the ground beneath his back, his hand and his head. He was lying on the ground. 

He sat up quickly looking around. He was in the gravel drive way of his old neighbor. There he was at his parents house. It was a trippy experience, everything so familiar, but somehow kind of wrong. His Dad came out the front door ready for work. _Shit!_ He got up quickly and hid as best he could behind a tree. It was probably for the best that he not be seen by this parents or himself. He watched as his dad checked something on his phone. It made him smile to see the man again, only now without the grey hair. For just a moment he could almost enjoy this little trip down memory lane. Pavel emerged from the house a moment later, waving to his dad as the each went their own ways. _Fuck, what was Pavel’s route!_ Something he should have been reminiscing on, instead of what Pavel looked like in swim trunks. He remembered Pavel taking him for a walk on one of his favorite paths. There was a secluded spot in the park where they had made out for a while. He just had to hope that was the trail he took today. 

He jogged down the side street, making a mental note that a little extra cardio wouldn’t kill him. He cut through the trees instead of taking the path. He needed to meet Pavel somewhere that was as private as possible. No one they knew saw Pavel that day and there were no accounts of an older dark haired man with him either. He came to the path finally and paused with his hands on his hips trying to catch his breath, he searched for Pavel. In the distance he saw that unmistakable mop of hair and those long legs bringing him closer. He saw the moment Pavel recognized him; he thought the kid was going to fall face first onto the ground with how abruptly he stopped.

“Doctor?”

“Pavel.” He whispered. They walked to each other.

“Doctor!” He said again brightly. “You came for me!” Then his face fell, the weight of what that meant dawning on him. “You’ve come to take me back.” He said a little too hollow for McCoy’s liking.

“Yeah.” He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how Pavel would react to leaving, there was maybe even some small part of him that wanted Pavel to refuse, to stay here with him. _Not me though, it would be the other Leo. My Pavel did leave._

“I…” He looked so young and hopelessly lost, but there was nothing he could do for him, “…I have to…I have to tell them I’m leaving.”

“What would you say that doesn’t sound insane?”

“I’ll…I’ll think of something.” The young man said forcefully bringing his hands to his temples, his brain already working hard on what that something would be.

“Even if you could, we don’t have time, Spock was very insistent that I use this as quickly as possible.” He said raising the beacon.

“I can't just leave without saying good-bye!”

“But you did!” McCoy couldn't hold back. Pavel stared at him, face blanching and tears forming at the corners of his eyes. 

“That’s…this is why you don’t like me.” He said quietly.

“I never said I didn’t like you, Pasha.” McCoy ran a frustrated hand though his hair. “Look, I’m not going to make you come with me, but I have to go back right now! I don’t belong here.” He didn’t know what possessed him to say that, he didn’t know if he could stand it if Pavel left him twice. Pavel was crying now, but his face was hard as he stared at the ground with his arms crossed. Finally he released his arms and looked up face still wet, but resolved.

“I don’t either.” He said only the slightest catch in his voice. McCoy nodded and closed the distance between them. “Leo, I’m so sorry!” Pavel threw this arms around McCoy’s middle and squeezed tightly. McCoy brought his arms up to hug Pavel for the first time in 14 years and pressed the beacon.

“It’ll be okay.” He said quietly against Pavel’s hair. Then there was another pinch somewhere around his belly button and they were standing back on the godforsaken planet that started all of this.

“It worked! They're back!” Came Jim’s excited and relived voice. He was still holding Pavel but the kid had quickly let his arms drop at the sound of his Captain’s voice. Bones let go too but stood between Jim and Pavel. The kid was wiping at his face and turning away, trying to pull himself together. 

“We’re fine.” He answered as Jim came close. It was only then that he realized they weren’t in the depression, but just on the other side of it from where Spock had set everything up.

“Great, lets get you guys back to the ship!” He said realizing that protective tone meant to back off. He turned to leave clapping Spock on the back with an ecstatic ‘You did it!’ Bones turned his attention back to Pavel. 

“Hey, you okay?” He asked trying to get Pavel to look him in the eye.

“No, but …I’ll be okay.” He looked absolutely wrecked.

“I’m sorry, Pavel.” He whispered.

“I’m the one that should be sorry, you did nothing wrong.”

“Neither did you.” He said placing a hand on Pavel’s jaw. Pavel didn’t lean into it like he would have once upon a time, but he didn’t try to move either. “You need to get checked out in Medbay.” He said, mostly because he wasn’t ready for the hard conversation that they had to have now. Pavel rolled his eyes.

“I’m fine. It’s been a year and nothing has happened.” 

“Doesn’t mean you shouldn't have been checked out then, or that something couldn’t still happen now.”

“Then you need to be checked out too.” Pavel retorted. McCoy grumbled, he was the definition of ‘Doctors makes the worst patients’.


	15. Together and Alone

McCoy didn’t see Chekov again for the rest of the day. They were checked and cleared In the Medbay and that was that. McCoy went back to his quarters and poured himself a drink. For years he thought Pavel had died, or worse had just left him without so much as a note. Since he had met the young navigator on the Enterprise all of that repressed pain had been stirred back up. At first he thought this was his Pavel’s son. _How old are you? Seventeen, sir!_ That math didn’t work out unless his Pavel had already fathered a child before they met. Which despite everything McCoy still didn’t believe was possible. Time travel. Goddamn time travel. How was he supposed to have guessed that? They had searched for him with a police report and everything, but McCoy was skeptical that any of that would work. After all, Pavel had told him that he didn’t exist and after he was gone it was almost like he never had. McCoy fingered the necklace he still wore. _I thought you could wear it and think of me_. He never took it off and got cagy when someone would ask about it. Joselyn and he had even gotten into a fight about it once, but not like that was hard. Should he even wear it anymore? Pavel was here exactly as he had been. The worst part of all of this was not knowing what the kid would say. Would he turn up his nose, not interested in an old man? Did McCoy even want him interested? Hell, he still couldn't break the habit of calling him kid. He polished off another glass before settling in for a restless nights sleep.

Pavel was alone in his room. Everything was just as he had left it. And why shouldn't it be? He was only gone for six hours. Six hours and his quarters felt like they were part of a different life. What would he do now? The same thing he did before he supposed, work hard toward his goal of captaining his own ship. He already missed the ambient noise of the Atlanta outskirts. He missed the feel of Leo holding him. What could he say to the man he was now. _But you did!_ It had felt like a slap in the face, but one he deserved. In Medbay he spent some time thinking about how worried Leo would be, about him panicking and confused over what had happened, but he stopped. Because Leo wasn’t doing any of that. Right now he was on a ship with an entire lifetime between them. Probably in his own quarters. There was no _his_ Leo. It was just one Leo. The Doctor that he couldn’t call his, the doctor who might still be angry with him for leaving. Pavel stayed up reading and getting nowhere with it, but unable to get to sleep. His bed was suddenly too empty for him to stand.


	16. Debrief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pavel and McCoy start to clear the air.

The next day McCoy was called to debrief in Jim’s ready room. He was more nervous than he had been on his first day at Starfleet and residency combined. He took his own sweet time, going against his usual punctuality. Apparently he wasn’t the only one. He showed up at exactly the same time as Pavel. _Shit, Chekov_ , who looked at him, wide eyed as if he would bite. 

“Chekov.” His usual greeting to the Ensign felt wrong on his tounge.

“Doctor.” He answered after a beat. Now that somehow felt worse. The doors opened and Jim popped his head out in the hallway.

“There you guys are! Come on let’s get this over with!” They each dutifully followed him in and took seats on opposite sides of the table while Jim sat at the head. “So time travel. Admiralty is going to be on my ass with this one, so…do you two need any time to get your stories straight?” McCoy frowned at Jim while Pav-Chekov turned to him with a confused ‘sir?’ “Look I know a little of what happened between you two, I’m leaving it up to you _how much_ of the truth you want on the record.” McCoy clenched his jaw. Obviously he didn’t want any of his love life on the record, but they had to say something. He looked at Pavel who looked of the same mind if the tightness around his mouth was any indication. He forgot how easy it was to read Pavel’s face. _Chekov, damnit_. He nodded, but said nothing indicating that McCoy should start. The beginning. God he hated how the beginning had several meanings now. He and Pavel didn’t even meet each other on the same day. When he still didn’t start Jim did. “So Dr. McCoy, Ensign Chekov, and crewmen Riley and Garret were all called on an away mission to find the possible sign of life on the planet. What happened next?”

“We found it.” Bones said eloquently. He cleared his throat before continuing. “It didn’t seem to be any type of life form Starfleet had ever encountered and screwed up all of our scanners. I and Mr. Chekov went closer to investigate and the…space nonsense, and it kind of hypnotized me. I was thinking of a memory. The day I met a Russian boy.”

“Space nonsense. You’re making me put the phrase ‘space nonsense’ in the official report about time travel?” Jim groused. Bones didn’t respond just gave his best shit-eating grin on. Jim sighed.

“The…Space nonsense,” Pavel said with humor in his voice., “looked like it was reaching out to touch the Doctor, so I stepped in to knock him out of the way.”

“Bones, is a bad influence on you.” Jim said before letting the kid continue. 

“When I did this the …entity touched me instead. I was instantly transported to Atlanta, Georgia, 2245.” Pavel paused looking at McCoy as though asking permission to continue his story. Not knowing what to do himself, he shrugged and left it up to the kid. “When I arrived, I met the 17 year-old Dr. McCoy by accident. He and his family took me in while I was away. They thought I was an unlucky ex-patriot, they…suspected nothing about my being a Starfleet officer or from the future.”

“Yeah, no idea.” McCoy concurred.

“I was with them for almost a whole year.”

“Okay, Dr. McCoy?”

“When the. Space. Nonsense.” He articulated specifically to annoy Jim, “sent Mr. Chekov away, I called the ship to begin a retrieval mission.” They were all quiet for a moment before Jim rolled his eyes.

“And…” He gestured for Bones to reveal more.

“…and I realized the Russian boy I met in high school was our Pavel Chekov, and after conferring with you and Spock we devised a plan to use Chekov’s scanner crystal to lock onto his location and bring him home.”

“…and…” Jim huffed, “how did we have Mr. Chekov’s scanner crystal?” Bones stared at the table for a few moments.

“He left it behind in the past and…I kept it…as a keepsake.” He offered finally. “Anyway.” He continued with a loud sigh. “Spock did some space magic with the crystal.”

“If he nerve pinches you after reading this, it is not my problem.”

“Creating a connection between the crystal in the past and the one we had which allowed me to go back and retrieve Pavel, eh, Mr. Chekov.” He was very pointedly not looking at Pavel while recounting his half of the story.

“At great personal risk to yourself, since we had no way of knowing if the connection would work.”

“Yes.” He responded tersely. “I had to be the one. I was the only one who knew exactly where and when to go. I remember the day he disappeared very well.” He could feel himself getting worked up. He took a few deep breaths before continuing. “I thought of that day, let the damn thing touch me. Went back; got Chekov. Spock’s calculations were right and we came back here. No one saw me, everyone’s fine.” He finished sounding bitter to his own ears.

“Mr. Chekov was gone for a year, did you consider going back to an earlier date?” Jim asked trying to sound professional as possible.

“Did you?” Pavel asked quietly. McCoy looked up to see Pavel’s worried face, though what worried him was anyone’s guess.

“No, I didn’t want to…I didn’t want to mess up the time line. Everything in the past happens exactly as it did; everything in our present stays the same.”

“Closed time loop. Admiralty can’t get mad at me for that.” Jim looked thoughtfully at his notes on his PADD for a moment. “Everything seems in order, aside from Spock pushing you out of the air lock for saying his science was ‘space magic’.” Jim raised his eyebrows at Bones. “Chekov, Dr. M’Benga cleared you for active duty, is that right?”

“Yes.”

“What?” McCoy looked up at Pavel then. He at least had the good sense to look guilty. “Did you tell him you’ve been gone a year?”

“No.” He muttered. The doctor grumbled in frustration. _This damn kid._

“Captain, it’s my professional recommendation that Mr. Chekov take a few days off to re-acclimate.”

“You think I can’t do my job anymore?” Pavel argued, arms crossed and an angry scowl marring his features.  
“No! It’s…it’s been a year Pavel! Ease back into it.”

“I agree with Dr. McCoy.” Jim said before Pavel could retort. “You would spend a week preparing to launch under normal circumstances a few days getting used to ship life again won’t hurt.”

“Yes, captain.” Pavel said dejectedly.

“It’s not a punishment I need my crew to be healthy physically and mentally.” Jim stood McCoy and Pavel moved to follow, but Jim motioned for them to stay seated. “Now that the official record is sorted out, I’m sure you two have a lot to catch up on.” He walked to the door. “Take all the time you need.” He said briskly as he left. _Asshole._

They sat in a deafening silence for a few moments, McCoy was too much of a coward to meet Pavel’s eyes.

“So…you’re not dead.” He spoke first but really wish he hadn’t.

“You thought I was dead?” Pavel asked in distress. McCoy looked up to see that pained expression.

“I don’t know. We didn’t know what to think. You were just gone.”

“I’m sorry.” He said eyes bore into McCoy’s, begging him to believe him.

“No, don’t…don’t be sorry.” McCoy said miserably and he meant it.

“But…”

“I can’t be mad at you. This situation was never gonna end well.”

“I didn’t think it would end at all.”

“So you did…you thought you were stuck there?” McCoy hadn’t meant to make it a question, but he was suddenly frustratingly uncertain about everything that had to do with Pavel.

“Yes, I did. After the first couple months, I thought that there was no way for you to bring me back.”

“After…that was when you…” McCoy didn’t want to say that it was when they first kissed. He didn’t want to look at his young co-worker and think about how he knew what his lips tasted like, what sounds he made when he….no.

“Yes, of course. I didn’t want to…change the future, your future.” His eyes were wide and intense. McCoy wanted to believe his sincerity, but insecurity was swirling about his head. “Once I thought…I thought the past was my new future, I decided to …to live.” He said with a small smile.

“You were really...” McCoy ran his hands over his face, “You were really going to stay with me? Go with me to college?”

“Yes, Leo I….” His face scrunched up in concern. “I never lied to you. Not about how I felt. Did you think that I was using you?

“Maybe.” McCoy said softly and quickly. “No. I don’t know what to think. I’m trying to marry years of what I thought I knew with this reality and it’s honestly kind of giving me a headache.” God he was going to need all the therapy after this.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t,” He took a deep breath. Pavel looked scared and all McCoy wanted to do was hold him and reassure him and fix this. “Seriously, don’t be sorry. You made the right choice. Your life is here, your future is here. Not literally stuck in the past, with some dumb kid.”

“Hey, I…really liked that kid.” He retorted.

“Well, you should be glad he’s not here. I doubt he’d agree with me.”

“I’m…sorry I left him behind. It’s the last thing I wanted.” McCoy nodded.

“My parents are going to want to talk to you.” He said running from their real issues. Pavel smiled bright and beautiful.

“I would like that! I can finally be honest with them.” His smile faded and McCoy hated how he seemed to be the reason that smile kept disappearing, “I hurt them too, didn’t I?”

“We were all worried about you.” He answered hedging.

“Are they as angry as you?”

“No, and I’m not angry, either. Honestly they’ll be happy to know you’re alright. Parents are like that.” Pavel was quiet, but he didn’t look sad anymore.

“I’m glad you’re daughter exists. I felt a little guilty that maybe I was causing her to not be born.” McCoy let out a surprised laugh.

“Yeah, she’s the only good thing that came out of an unhappy marriage.”

“I kept wondering when you introduced me to girls from your school, if maybe this was her. You’re ex.”

“Her name is Joselyn and we met in college.” He answered, happy to have a lighter topic of conversation. _When did Joselyn become light conversation?_

“What happens now?” Pavel asked. McCoy looked at him, his sweet open face, those sharp eyes asking him for answers he didn’t have. He was 18 again waiting for Pavel to tell him what he wanted. To tell him that he loved him and everything would be alright.

“I don’t know. It’s been a long time, and I’m hardly the same person you met back then.” Pavel lowered his gaze; maybe disappointed, but not surprised.

“We were friends once, weren’t we?” Pavel’s voice quivered just a little and it broke his heart. “We can be friends again, yes?” He asked.

“Yeah, Pavel, we can be friends.” He answered not even really sure if he could comply with that promise, but unable to deny him. Pavel smiled and his heart lifted. McCoy was so screwed.


	17. Pavel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swtching back to Pavel's POV and how he's dealing with being back on the ship.

Pavel felt like he held it together pretty well while he was with the Doctor and the Captain. Once in the privacy of his own quarters he broke down and cried. He didn’t expect it all to hit him so hard, maybe they were right to request he take a few days off. He had his answer. Leo wasn’t mad at him for leaving, but he probably was in the past. It’s been too many years for him, and now it was too late for Pavel to still be his. He didn’t know how to feel, he should be happy to have his life back. There had been so many worries and compromises that happened in the past year, that he should be relieved he could continue on as he had planned. At the same time he felt like he had lost so much, his little makeshift family had come to mean so much to him, and now it was just gone. He kept looking up while he was on earth and now space felt too empty. 

He must have cried himself to sleep because he woke to his communicator beeping. Hikuru had sent a message to check in and ask to hang out after his shift. He replied and straightened himself out a bit. He wanted to com his parents. He had missed them so much in the past year. He was happy to see their faces, to speak freely in his mother tongue again. He told them the truth about the time travel. It was part of the official record so there was no need to lie. Not to mention that he was just so tired of dodging the truth. His mother was little upset, but mostly they were just relieved to hear he was alright. 

When he signed off, he felt at a loss for what to do. There was a small part of him that wanted to talk to John and Dana, but he wanted to wait for Leo to explain the situation to them before they spoke. Then he wanted to talk to Leo, but going by the conversation they just had it would not be the same. He laid on his bed and for a crazy moment he wished he had his projector. There was something so comforting about it. He realized then that he didn’t have comfort things form home. His friends did; just little things that were from or reminded them of their childhood, but he hadn’t needed that sort of thing before. Of course he had never felt this way before. He sat on the observation deck for a while to see if that would work. It was beautiful and familiar and did help to keep his mind on the ship and his duties, but it didn’t really make him feel better.

“You had sex with Dr. McCoy?” Hikuru asked incredulously. They were sitting in his quarters after dinner. Pavel hit him with a pillow.

“’Kuru!”

“What? That’s what you just said!”

“He was 18, and not a doctor yet! Technically I was older than him at the time.”

“What was he like?” Pavel scrunched his nose, shooting him a dirty look, “Not in bed! Eww! Just in general. What was he like as a teenager? I just can’t imagine it.”

“He was…still a little grumpy.” Pavel allowed himself to laugh. “He cares so much, about his friends and family. He was easy going, and so thoughtful. He was a little more impulsive I think.” Pavel thought wistfully of all the times Leo would find him some time between school and practice or work to bring him a snack or even just to talk or kiss. It meant a lot to Pavel the way he showed that he cared.

“Pasha.” Hikuru said softly. He was looking at him with something like pity in his eyes. He must have looked like a lovesick fool.

“It’s,” Pavel waved his hand as if to brush it aside. As if he would ever be able to brush any of this aside.

“What did he say when you got back? I mean it sounds like it was pretty serious between the two of you.”

“He…I think he has had a hard time with all of this. Not just now, but all of these years since. He thought I was dead.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah, I think he just needs time. We were friends, we can be friends again.” He said with more certainty than he felt.

“Is that what you want? To just be friends?” Pavel could feel himself getting chocked up again.

“I don’t think I have a choice.” He whispered. Hikuru moved to sit next to him putting an arm around his shoulders.

“Sorry, we don’t have to talk about this if it’s too hard for you.”

“It’s probably better to get it all out.”

“You sure you still feel attracted to the actual Dr. McCoy anyway? The ‘Damnit Jim, we’ll boil alive in this tin can, I’m a doctor not a Vulcan wrangler’ Dr. McCoy?” Hikuru said with an exaggerated Southern accent. Pavel laughed loud enough to break the tension.

“Maybe.” Pavel had thought of that before. Honestly it’s been on his mind their whole relationship. He believed that Leo was not so different from his younger self as everyone thought.

“He is setting up a com tomorrow so I can talk to his parents. I need to thank them for everything.”

“What are they like?”

“I don’t know, kind of like you’d think. They treated me like their own son. I don’t think this last year would have been bearable if it weren’t for that.”

“It’s crazy to think you’re a whole year older! I mean, I can kind of see it. A little less baby fat around your face.”

“I feel different.”

“Good different, or bad different?” Pavel shrugged.

“Just different.”

“You’re sad.”

“I will be okay.” Pavel said instead of answering. He was sad, but it’s not like he would stay that way forever, would he?


	18. Calling Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pavel gets a chance to talk to Leo's parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is from Leo's POV.
> 
> I'm going to swap between the two POV's, hopefully it will all keep making sense for the narrative.

McCoy had a difficult time telling his parents about the whole ordeal with Pavel, but he wanted them to be ready before he set up the com with him. They were shocked at first, but just like his own train of consciousness he could see them filling in all the blank spaces and open questions that his disappearance had left. The door chimed signaling Pavel was there.

“Hello!” Pavel greeted, McCoy could tell that he was forcing his cheeriness.

“Hey, come in. Do you want a drink?”

“No, thank you.” Pavel came in clearly curious and wanting to look around, but managing to keep his hands to himself. McCoy almost wanted to tell him that he could look around as he liked, but stopped himself. This was awkward, he just didn’t know how to make it better.

“I told them about everything.”

“Were they…how did they take it?” Pavel was fidgeting. McCoy motioned for him to sit. 

“Surprised, relieved. They’re excited to talk to you.”

“So am I! I mean I’m excited to talk to them too.” Pavel said, his nerves still visible. It made him smile thinking of how Pavel still appreciated his parents. He didn’t know why he was so nervous about Pavel’s sincerity when there had never been a time when the kid had done anything to wake him questions it. He set up the video and called his parents.

“Hey ma, dad.” He greeted but he could see the second they set eyes on Pavel sitting next to him.

“Good lord!”

“Well, I’ll be damned.” His dad stared as if Pavel would vanish if he took his eyes off him. “You haven’t aged a day.”

“I’ve aged two days actually!” Pavel said smiling at them.

“Smartass.” Leo said under his breath, laughing despite himself.

“You tried to tell me, did you?” His dad said. Leo looked quizzically between the two.

“I said you wouldn’t believe me.”

“You were right, I probably wouldn’t’ve.”

“Pavel sweetheart! It’s so good to see you! You gave us quite a scare leaving so suddenly.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. We had to leave very quickly.”

“We?”

“Leo came to get me.”

“You didn’t tell us that.” His mom chided.

“You were there? In the past?”

“Yeah, for a whole 15 minutes.” McCoy snorted.

“It’s not Leo’s fault, the science was very…unreliable.”

“So you jumped back in time and you could have been stuck? Is that what I’m hearing?” His dad asked crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“No one got stuck anywhere, everyone is fine. I’m grown man who's perfectly capable of taking a calculated risk.”

“Pavel,” His mom started completely ignoring him, “Were you able to get in touch with your parents?”

“Yes, it was very good to talk to them after all this time. Tell me how have you been? It’s been a long time since I was there!”

“Oh, more of less the same. John semi-retired last year and JoJo comes by often, so we try to spoil her as much as possible.”

“Jo Jo?”

“My daughter, Johanna.”

“Oh, yes! How is she?”

“She’s a little pistol.” John said with a chuckle.

“You say that because she’s got you wrapped around her little finger.” Leo responded. He liked talking about JoJo even though he worried sometimes about not spending enough time with her.

“You’re just as bad.” He shot back. Leo looked to Pavel for help, but found him smiling with mirth at this new revelation.

“Pavel tell us about you! The real you!”

“Well, my name is Chekov not Lenik. I’m the lead navigator on the Enterprise.”

“Lead navigator? Ain’t you a little young for that?”

“I joined Starfleet when I was 14, so no.”

“Pavel’s in command, he’s gonna try to break Jim’s record as youngest captain in Starfleet.” He wasn’t sure what possessed him to say that. He has never actually talked to Pavel about his goals in Starfleet.

“Won’t that just chap his ass.” His mom chuckled.

“I don’t know if I’ll manage that, but I was the youngest to win the Academy’s marathon!” He said beaming with pride.

“Congratulations, sweetie! You know Leonard was in a couple of marathons after…well before Starfleet.”

“You can say after the divorce, ma. Not like it’s a secret.”

“Anyway, he did well, what place did you get Len?”

“Mom, no one cares about that.” He grumbled. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling so embarrassed by his mom bringing little things up. Maybe he felt more like a teenager with Pavel around and wasn’t that regression embarrassing too?

“I care.” Pavel said quietly, “I didn’t think you liked to run.” He chanced a glance at Pavel to see he was looking at him incredulously.

“Some of the guys at the hospital, talked me into joining them. I did two, I finished fourth and seventh in my age group.” He explained a little defensively. “I thought we were asking about Pavel.”

“Pavel are you happy to be back in space?” His dad detracted. Pavel hesitated for a moment before answering.

“Yes, of course. There are…” Leo had no idea what Pavel was thinking. He had just assumed that Pavel was ecstatic to be back on the ship, but the hesitancy in his voice made him question the kid he knew. “There are some things I miss. I wanted my projector to fall asleep under last night.” He said fidgeting again.

“We probably have that thing around here somewhere.” His mom said as if she were going to get up to look for it right then.

“That’s because your turning into a hoarder ma.” He said.

“A few keepsakes is not hording, Len.”

“Keeping an obsolete projector is.”

“Well, I can send that to Pavel!”

“Dana, we’re not sending an old projector to a state of the art Federation ship.”

“Yes! I mean.. He’s right. Things are different. I just have to get used to it.”

“You still have us!” Len’s dad offered.

“That means a lot to me! Everything you did for me; I don’t know how to thank you! I always felt so bad not being able to tell you the truth. I tried to be as truthful as possible with everything I could”

“Don’t worry yourself about that, we understand.”

“Yeah, you did what you had to.” McCoy reassured. Pavel turned to him looking so grateful, that he felt like he used to about him, like he would give him the world.

“How are you two, by the way?” His mom asked, eyes narrowing.

“We are….we’re friends.”

“Yeah, of course.” Len added not knowing what to say. His mom didn’t say anything just kept looking at them like that. “I mean it’s just like this, with ya’ll, we have to catch up.” He quickly added, but it did nothing to dissuade the look. What did she want from him? He wasn’t the eighteen-year-old Pavel fell in love with. Time travel really was a bitch. He managed to hedge the subject for a little longer and after a few more pleasantries it was time to sign off.

“You take care of him.” His dad said.

“I will.”

“Always.”

They looked to each other and then back to his dad. He just had a hardy laugh and didn’t clarify who he was talking to.

“Love you Len!”

“Love you too ma, give Jojo kisses for me.”

“I will, and Pavel I expect to hear from you!” She said in a tone that brooked no argument.

“Of course!” After that McCoy ended the call. There was just a moment of them sitting in silence. Pavel was staring at the floor in front of his feet without seeing. Len took the moment to really get a good look at him.

“You look tired.” He said instead of the million better things he could have started with. Pavel looked up in surprise.

“I couldn’t sleep last night, or the night before.” He admitted.

“That why you mentioned the projector?”

“Yes and no.”

“I could give you something for it, if you want.”

“No, I just…” Pavel rubbed his face, “I have to get used to sleeping alone again.” Bones nodded.

“I’ve been there. A couple times.” Now it was his turn to rub his face in frustration. Why was it so hard for him to talk to Pavel? When they met everything flowed so smoothly between them and now he couldn’t think of what to say.

“How old is your daughter?”

“She turned 10 not too long ago. Her birthday’s in August too.” Pavel swallowed.

“I’m closer to her age than yours.” McCoy laughed hollowly.

“Funny, when we met you were older than me.”

“I don’t know why I said that.”

“Because it’s true and you’re sleep deprived. You should rest, try to reset. I can always extend your down time if you’re having trouble.” Pavel didn’t answer he just watched Leo for a few long moment. “What?”

“I’m trying to catch up; you’re trying to send me away. I can’t tell if it’s because you’re still mad at me or because you think I’m a child.” Pavel’s words were quiet and dangerous in a way he’d never heard before.

“I’m not…I’m not mad at you, I don’t know why you keep saying that.”

“You’re mad at something, you were angry talking to John and Dana.” He was mad. Mad that fate seemed to have it out for him.

“I know you’re not a child.” He offered instead. “What do you want to know?” He asked testily.

“About your life, the part I missed.”

“Went to school, became a doctor, got married, worked at a hospital in Atlanta, had a kid, got divorced, applied to Starfleet, met Jim Kirk and now I’m here.” Pavel snorted. “What?” This felt less like a conversation and more like a sparring session. 

“It’s funny that the Captain counts as one of your major life events.” McCoy rolled his eyes.

“Just don’t tell him that.” Pavel was quietly watching him again.

“Are you two sleeping together?” 

“Jesus Christ, Pavel!” McCoy stood then needing to put some space between the two of them. He knew that rumor was all around the ship but he didn't expect to hear it from Pavel, and not now. “No, we’ve never fucked. Is that what you want? A break down of my past lovers? Or maybe just my rebound after you?” He clenched his jaw thinking about the mistake of a relationship he had fell into freshman year. “Here’s a life event Pavel! I’ve been in therapy for years over you! So you’ll excuse me if I need a little time before I start opening up old wounds for you!” He had actually been doing pretty well since joining Starfleet; until he set foot on the bridge of the Enterprise that is.

“I should go.” Pavel said, for once his face unreadable, and …Jesus no wonder the kid thought he was mad at him.

“Pavel, I’m sorry.” He said moving to stop him.

“No Leo, you're right. My question…it was unfair. I’m not being a good friend.” Pavel bowed his head a little , shame written on his face when he looked up at McCoy. “Is it…is it still okay that I call you Leo?”

“Yeah, you’re still the only one.” Pavel smiled and raised his head a little.

“I’ll go, maybe next time we will have a conversation without fighting.” Pavel said softly. Bones shook his head a little ashamed at what a brat he had become.

“We will.” Pavel smiled at him again and left. He hoped he was telling Pavel the truth because right now he wanted to break something.


	19. Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pavel's POV

Pavel was finally back to work and he was glad for it. He had embarrassed himself with Leo, accusing him of treating Pavel like a child and then acting like one to prove him right. He wasn’t sleeping any better and he wasn’t any closer to being friends with Leo. He took it as a good sign that he still sounded like he wanted to be friends that maybe he wanted Pavel in his life as badly as Pavel wanted him. He had spoken to John about things, but he didn’t want to explain too much _it should really come form Len._ Pavel also wondered if Leo had really confided in him how he felt. The Captain was his closest confidant, but he was even less likely to get any answers from him.

“Hey, Chekov!” He ran into the Captain and Leo in the corridor one day while he was lost in thought.

“Yes, Captain?”

“Good news! I cleared it with Admiralty to add a year! You’re officially 19!”

“Oh, thank you Captain. I’m not sure how much of a difference that will make though.”

“Eh, it’s official now.” He shrugged. Leo stood quietly watching them. Pavel was determined.

“Leo, how are you?” He asked trying to sound casual.

“Fine.” He said a little surprised to be asked. “How about you? Sleeping alright?”

“Yes, much better.” He lied, and going by Leo’s hard expression, he didn’t believe him.

“Hey, you coming to the Halloween party?” The Captain cut in.

“Yes, I already had my costume.” He answered happily. “Are you going?” He asked Leo, though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

“Right, because you know how I feel about costumes.” He answered snarkily.

“Yes, but you look so good as a space pirate.” He answered back and for a moment there a was a wry smile on Leo’s lips and amusement sparking in his eyes.

“Don’t tell me there was a time when Bones wasn’t a stick in the mud.” The Captain quipped.

“Don’t you two get enough attention being big damn federation hero’s, you need even more?” He said as if he wasn’t a part of the “hero” crew of the federation. He scratched at the back of his neck, the endearing shy tick of his made Pavel smile.

“Well, I hope you come anyway.” Pavel said.

Leo made a non-committal sound and the two were on their way. 

That night Pavel had a sex dream. It was his Leo holding him close, kissing his neck, but his face morphed into that of the older doctor. Dream Pavel just kept kissing his dream lover. He woke up hard and frustrated, arguing the ethics of jerking off to the image of the handsome Doctor thrusting into him. Whatever the ethics, Pavel came with Leo’s name on his lips.

Pavel was dressed as Spiderman. Though all of his regular clothes seemed to fit the same, the suit was a little tighter than he remembered. The Halloween party was fun, he had been looking forward to it before and now it was sorely needed. He drank, and laughed and posed for pictures pretending he had web shooters. He and scotty got into a surprisingly technical debate of how to make real web shooters.

“Awesome, suit Chekov!” The Captain came up to him dressed as a vampire.

“Thanks.”

“Is it good being back with your friends?” Pavel was happy that the Captain was one of the people who consistently remembered that Pavel was gone for so long.

“Yes, I missed everyone so much! Did Leo come?” If he hadn’t been drinking he might have tried not to sound so desperate.

“Sorry Chekov. He decided to sit this one out.” The Captain said with sympathy in his voice. “You two haven’t been able to talk much, huh?”

“It has been difficult to be friends since I’ve been back.” He answered dejectedly. “I think maybe…” He started but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to admit anything to the Captain.

“You think what?”

“That he thinks I am too young now. Before we were the same age but now he thinks he is too old to be…friendly with me.”

“Do you think he’s too old to be…’friendly’ with you?” The emphasis he placed on that word. The Captain was perhaps onto his real desire.

“No, He’s very handsome, I thought so before and …I know him better, he is the same kind of person, deep down.” He didn’t bother hiding his attraction this time. “But I am…I am a ‘kid’ to him.” He continued miserably.

“I don’t know Bones can be pretty good at hiding his feelings sometimes. Especially if he thinks he’ll get hurt.”

“That’s a new trait. I think it might be a little bit my fault.”

“Maybe, but it’s something to keep in mind.” He added pointedly. Pavel took a moment to puzzle over what he meant. Leo would have talked to the Captain about things. Was he hinting that Leo still cared for him? Pavel looked at the chronometer. It was just after midnight. He quickly went to the food regenerator and hoped that Leo wasn’t asleep. The corridor was quite when he finally made it to his door and rang the chime. When the door opened Leo seemed to be in the middle of grumbling.

“…I already said…oh Pavel. I thought you were Jim.” He was bare chested and wearing sleep pants. Pavel was still just tipsy enough to ogle him for a few moments. He was broader than he was as a teenager, his shoulders and arms filled out, and God, did Pavel what those arms pushing him down onto a mattress and kissing him senseless right now. “Is there…do you need something?” Pavel thrilled at hearing the shy tone of his. He had always loved it when he could make Leo blush.

“It’s after midnight.”

“Yeah, that’s why I thought it was Jim. He likes to let himself in sometimes to bother me. Whatcha got behind your back?” Pavel, with a broad smile, presented the other man with a slice of chocolate cake.

“Happy Birthday!” He said. Leo’s face melted into a warm smile, the kind that Pavel had been missing for the last week. Just as Pavel had, Leo took a moment to look Pavel up and down. His face heated, he was suddenly embarrassed by his costume choice. That smile was still firmly on his face though. Leo leaned casually against the door frame.

“You been drinkin’?” He asked out of the blue.

“A little.” He answered honestly. It took him a moment to realize the Leo was considering whether or not to invite him in. Given the heavy sigh, Pavel figured the answer was no. “33 isn’t much of a milestone to celebrate.” He was still hedging like he used to when he was moments away from kissing Pavel or doing something romantic. Pavel’s chest filled with hope that Leo was still attracted to him or could be again.

“Who doesn’t like cake?” He said lifting the plate closer to Leo. He laughed, his face a light in a way Pavel hadn’t seen on this older face, and took the offered confection.

“Thank you.” He said softly. Pavel could sense that it was time to leave, but he knew he had to try something. He put his hand on Leo’s cheek, emboldened when Leo didn’t lean back or step away when he moved closer. He leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. Just like their first kiss it was more about just being close to Leo. When he stepped back Leo wasn’t annoyed or disgusted as he feared. His eyes were soft and a small smile was playing on his lips. His free hand had come to rest on Pavel’s back and slowly he let it fall away. Pavel smiled again.

“Good night, Leo.”

“Good night Pasha.”


	20. Love Between Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo's POV

McCoy didn’t sleep much that night. He didn’t eat the cake at 1 in the morning either (What was he, still in undergrad?) but the gesture stirred him. The memories of their first date came flooding back to him and he spent the night laying on his bed and flying high on dopamine. In the past he could hardly believe that someone as extraordinary as Pavel could be so interested in hearing about his life, his dreams. It was like a movie or something. The smartest, cutest boy was interested in plain old him. He had wanted to invite him in too, fantasies of his thin but muscled legs wrapped around his waist floated through his mind. But if he was drunk…no. McCoy didn’t want any chance that Pavel would regret his actions in the morning.

By morning though, the high was leaving him with insecurity again. Was Pavel only interested in him back then because he was curious about the man he was now? A kind of morbid curiosity to poke around in someone’s past. It would be a once in a lifetime experience to learn it the way he had. His conscious mind didn’t want to think that of Pavel, but he also hadn’t wanted to think his wife would cheat either and look where that landed him? He left his slice of cake where it was and went to work hoping to put it out of his mind. Luckily there was the fall out of Jim’s damn party to keep him occupied. You’d think that a bunch of egg heads would be tamer at parties, but no, they just managed to find more inventive and creative ways to hurt themselves.

“Bones!” Jim said barging into his office with out knocking.

“Jimmy.” He responded tonelessly.

“Happy Birthday, old man!” As much as he didn’t want to celebrate his own birthday he had no problem annoying the crap out of McCoy on his. “What's got you so sour faced today?”

“Other than having to deal with the fall out of a Jim Kirk party?” He replied tersely.

“You should have come.” McCoy just rolled his eyes. “You know who asked about you. Looked real put out that his favorite doctor wasn’t there.” Jim was goading him, and he ground his molars together, furious that is was working.” You know,” He continued in a cheery tone, “come to think of it I don’t remember seeing our little Deadpool again after that.”

“Spiderman.” He flippantly corrected.

“Ha!” _Damnit_. “He did pay you a little late night visit!” McCoy leaned back in his chair, rubbing his temples. “Come on, Bones, did you guys…make up for lost time?”

“He came by said Happy Birthday and left.”

“So you’re bummed that you didn’t get laid? Or irritated because you blew it somehow.”

“Pavel and I are just friends.”

“Bones, you can’t bullshit me on this. You gave up how much the mysterious Pavel meant to you a long time ago.”

“Well…things change.” McCoy thought of the slice of cake sitting on his table.

“Why do you do that? What’s so bad about being in love with him?”

“Am I in love with him, Jim?” He shot back, “Or do I just love a memory? Do I just miss being carefree high-schooler? He’s looking for the moon-eyed kid I was and I’m chasing a ghost. That sound like the basis of a good relationship to you?” Jim sat blissfully silent for a few minutes.

“Alright.”

“Alright?”

“Yeah, let’s go to the officers lounge and get drunk.”

“That’s the best idea you’ve had all week.”

It had been another few weeks and McCoy was becoming very adept at having other plans when Pavel wanted to hang out. He was never overt about it and they hadn’t fought for a while. He should have guessed it would all come crashing down one day.

After a long shift McCoy entered the lift, and at the last second before the doors closed Pavel slipped in next to him.

“Pavel.” McCoy said in greeting. Pavel stood at attention. 

“Doctor.” He responded coolly. If that didn’t trip a loud warning alarm in his mind nothing else would. It wasn’t until they were moving that the realized Pavel hadn’t pressed a floor. The ride was dead silent. When the doors opened Pavel got off. He only hesitated for a moment before following. Pavel was a few steps ahead of him clearly walking toward McCoy’s quarters.

“Are you following me?” He asked finally.

“Technically you are following me.” He answered still so stilted. He came to a stop at McCoy’s door. The other hesitated, maybe even panicked.

“Did we have an appointment?”

“I’m mad. Let me in so I can yell at you in private.” He still used a formal tone, but it finally cracked a little with the anger boiling beneath. McCoy signed, but obliged, keying in his code, and letting the furious ensign in. True to his word he waited until the door was closed. “You have been avoiding me!”

“I’ve been busy.” McCoy tried to explain.

“Now you’re lying to me!” This time he had the good sense to keep his trap shut. “I am so,” he trailed off in a string of angry sounding Russian., “I’m so frustrated with you! You said we would be friends, yes?” He paused even though McCoy was positive the question was rhetorical. “Did you change you’re mind and forget to tell me? Because my friends don’t dodge me at every turn! We work together, we live on the same ship! It’s not as though I don’t know what kind of schedule you keep.” He was quiet again for long enough that McCoy thought he was done.

“That all?” and perhaps he was little too glib, as Pavel started in on an even louder tirade in Russian advancing on McCoy to the point where he thought maybe Pavel was gearing up for a physical fight. “I don’t understand Russian!” He shouted back over the angry yelling.

“You are so aggravating!” He finally said in standard. “Is this a recent development? Or do you just care so little for me that you decided cowering away was an option!”

“Pavel,” He started guiltily.

“I’m not done yet! You think you are the only one that gets to feel hurt? The only one that got fucked over by time travel! That you’re the only one to loose something?” He was quiet again and even if he wanted him to this time McCoy didn’t know what to say. “I’m just…” He looked like the wind was knocked out of his sails. “I’m heartbroken.” He admitted sniffling. He sat down on the sofa and McCoy moved to sit next to him but, “Don’t touch me.” He said evenly. McCoy took a seat in the chair opposite him instead. “Did you even think of that?” He asked miserably. “That I…the man I loved, I had to leave in the past.”

“Yes.” McCoy hasn’t stopped thinking about how this was his Pasha, but he wasn’t Pavel’s Leo.

“We didn’t even break up with each other.”

“If we didn’t I have bad news for you…pretty sure I cheated on you a lot.” Pavel didn’t respond just sat with his head in his hands. Everything in him was fighting the urge to wrap Pavel in his arms and tell him that everything was okay.

“Did you…” Pavel started, but then shook his head. He rubbed roughly at his eyes and looked up at McCoy then. “Why didn’t you come to get me sooner?” For a moment McCoy didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Like I said in the report, closed time loop, or whatever.” Pavel started shaking his head insistently before he finished.

“You created the loop!” He insisted. “It started and stopped when you decided it should.” He swallowed and now it was his turn to sit with is head in his hands. Maybe it was time to lay everything out for Pavel. It was a conclusion he had come to only after their debriefing. _What better time than after Pavel admitted he’d rather never have loved me at all?_ He thought darkly.

“Me coming back for you was plan B”

“What?”

“Plan A was to use my crystal and pull you back when you were holding your scanner in the past.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“How would I have my crystal If you brought it back here with you?” Pavel slouched back in his seat.

“A paradox.”

“Can’t chance a paradox. That’s the same reason that I couldn’t have come for you even a day earlier.” Pavel furrowed his brow in confusion. McCoy tugged at his collar and pulled out the necklace he still put on every day for some damn reason. Pavel recognized the trinket, eyes becoming wide. “You held that goddamn crystal and said it was all you had left once.”

“You held my other hand.” Pavel whispered.

“After you disappeared I found it in your things and had it made into a charm that, well, it used to be with this one, now it’s in Spock’s science experiment museum.” Pavel said something in Russian under his breath. “If I went back any sooner it would have caused a paradox. Your scanner would have been just like your projector, stuffed somewhere in the attic at my parents house. Even if I had thought to get it you would be been out of time. This was…the only way.” He finished feeling exhausted but a little better.

“You had to fall in love with me or I don’t get to come home.” He said slowly taking it all in. “That’s not fair.” He gritted out.

“No, it’s not.” McCoy agreed dejectedly. After long minutes sat in silence Pavel stood.

“I’m going to my room.” He turned red but determined eyes to McCoy, “You don’t avoid me anymore.” He demanded firmly.

“You still want to be friends?” He asked in disbelief.

“I don’t know what we are now, but I can’t…we can’t live in the reality were we are nothing to each other.” Damn but McCoy couldn’t disagree with that logic. He nodded and so did Pavel. “Good. Then I’ll see you around.” He stood, followed Pavel to the door, and silently watched him leave. That night Leo cried over his lost love in a way he hadn’t in over a decade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a general warning, things are not going to get easier for our boys any time soon, but I do intend to give them a happy ending. Make sure you read the updated tags going forward!


	21. Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo gets bad news from home.

Pavel had taken up yoga in the weeks since his return. He was trying to collect himself after everything. That’s what he was doing a couple of days after yelling at Leo. They had had a meal together since, they were in the canteen with other people, but Leo didn’t run away and they didn’t fight so Pavel was going to call it a win. These thoughts distracted him as he was breathing through his sun salutation. 

It was hard for him to focus already then his communicator started to chime. He tried to ignore it, but after the fifth one he was worried there might be an emergency. All of the messages were from Leo, asking to meet him in his office. Perhaps it is an official request if he’s asking Pavel to meet him there. He got dressed and was soon knocking on the CMO’s office door. He entered after a soft ‘come in’. _Well he didn’t sound angry or overwhelmed, that was good, right?_ Leo was at his desk his head in his hands.

“Leo?” Pavel said. His head snapped up his eyes wide and color drained from his face.

“Pavel.” He said as if he weren’t expecting him.

“Is something wrong?” His face became a hard unreadable mask. Pavel wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear what Leo had to say.

“You should have a seat.” He said carefully as he stood to join him on the small couch next to his desk.

“Leo, what is it?” 

“There was an accident.”

“Where?” Pavel cast a glance to the closed door; the Medbay had been calm and quiet.

“Not on the ship, back home.” Leo cleared his throat and gave his head a shake. “Pavel, my dad is dead.” It was Pavel's turn to shake his head; he couldn't have heard that right.

“But, I just talked to him.” He didn't know what to do. Leo bowed his head and covered his eyes. “This can’t be happening.” He whispered. They sat there together, but both were alone in their thoughts. Pavel had kept in touch with Dana and John as he promised. It made him feel better about his situation with Leo to talk to them. He thought he was done with time being stolen from him yet here he was again. He looked at Leo, his face was ashen. _How selfish am I?_ How could he think of what he has lost when Leo has lost his own father? “When…how?”

“Momma just sent the message…I really don't…I don't know..” His voice was small, he was small. He was hunched in on himself; hiding.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Pavel pulled the older man up and he followed easily, blindly. He didn’t let go of Leo’s arm the whole way back to his quarters. There was a ringing in his ears. John was gone. There was a part of him that still didn’t understand. Leo sat down heavily on his bed.

“I don’t know what to do.” Leo said mostly to himself. Pavel climbed onto the bed and hugged him. He wasn’t sure if the gesture was to comfort Leo or himself. Time moved strangely after that. Things seemed too real and moved too slow. The light too harsh. His own breathing too loud. He could feel every fiber of Leo’s shirt under his hands. To feel him close like this again was comforting, but somehow he was afraid to move. That this moment would tear to shreds if he lifted his head or even tried to hold the other man’s hand.

Then hours would pass in the blink of an eye. At some point the Captain came. He said nothing of the fact that Pavel was here.

“We’re docking with the nearest base, you can both get a shuttle from there to return to Earth. We have one mission to complete before the Enterprise can return. Once it’s done we’ll come back for you.” He addressed both of them giving Leo a tight hug.

“Both of us?” Pavel asked.

“Yes. I understand you became…a McCoy during your time away.” His eyes settled on Leo who was pointedly looking away. “It’s only right you be allowed to say good-bye.”

“Thank you Captain.” He nodded in acknowledgment. Before he left he whispered just to him, “Look out for him, for me?”

“Of course.” After the Captain left there was a tense silence. It broke with Leo. He collapsed to his bed and started to silently cry. Pavel laid down next to him shedding his own tears. There was still some part of him that loved Leo and he would do his best to hold them both together.


	22. Cause and Effect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo's POV

Pavel sat in silence with him while McCoy finished packing. His mouth felt like sand and he knew his eyes were red. He didn’t know when Pavel had gotten here or if he had even left in the first place. He knew he had let himself be held by the younger man. Needed it. There was a part of him that still wanted to cling tightly to him and a part that didn’t want Pavel to see him this way. When he finished packing he closed his eyes and took a deep unsteady breath. 

“Are you…” McCoy felt himself tense, preparing for the question he was undoubtedly going to be asked a million times. “Are you ready?” Pavel restarted possibly re-thinking what he was going to ask.

“Yeah.” His voice sounded raw to his own ears. He turned and didn’t lift his eyes from the floor. He knew Pavel was in pain too and thought it would make him start blubbering again. They beamed down to the station to board the shuttle that would take them back to Earth. Great, a smaller, less updated ship, it was like one of his nightmares come to life. And Spock was standing there next to Jim to see them off. _Perfect._ Jim gave him a hug and said ‘I’m so sorry, Bones.’ Softly. When he turned to Spock, he didn’t know what he expected, not that his Vulcan face gave anything away.

“I grieve with thee.” He said solemnly giving Bones the customary Vulcan salute. It was only then that Bones remembered that Spock too had felt the loss of a parent. He remembered how uncharacteristically angry it made him, and it made Bones loose all sense of reason. He threw his arms around the Vulcan.

“Thank you.” Spock tensed at the contact, but quickly relaxed and awkwardly patted Bones on the back. Bones hurried into the shuttle before he could do something silly like cry over a hug with Spock. He took his seat and strapped himself in, Pavel followed a moment later and sat next to him. It was the first time today he had taken a good look at Pavel. He looked remarkably composed actually, but Bones could see through it. He was too still, too quiet, he had a thousand yard stare. Bones can’t say he put much thought into reaching out and taking Pavel’s hand in his own. Pavel was startled and looked down at their hands.

“It’s ok.” He said, surprising the older man. “I know these shuttles, they are older, but very well made. We’ll be on Earth in no time.” His smile was tight, he realized that Pavel must have thought he had reached out because he was nervous about the flight. 

“Pavel…Are you ok?” He asked the question he himself dreaded being asked. He nodded automatically without saying anything. Bones squeezed his hand gently. “Really?” Pavel fidgeted at that and tried to release his hand. Bones held firm.

“Mr. Spock.” He said so quietly he could hardly hear him.

“Spock? What about him?” The shuttle started it’s engines for launch so Bones tried his best to focus on Pavel only.

“It is nothing.” Pavel said firmly. 

“Come on. It’s a long trip.” Bones tried his best to keep his tone light. 

“What if…” Pavel whispered haltingly. “What if there was something I did in the past that caused this?” Bones could hardly believe what he was hearing.

“How? Of course you didn’t! It was just an accident.”

“I'm the reason Spock lost his mother.” He said so quietly, Bones could barely hear it.

“Jesus.” Bones could have gotten whiplash from this conversation. He had completely forgotten until now that it was Pavel that had beamed Spock and the Vulcan Elders onto the Enterprise that day.

“Pavel…Pasha.” He whispered gently. Pavel turned to look at him, glassy eyed. “That wasn’t your fault. You saved a lot of people that day. And take it from me; some days you can’t save everyone. You just can’t dwell on it.” McCoy had those types of shifts, you can do everything in your power and it’s still not enough. “and dad,” Bones’ voice cracked a little and it made him wonder what kind of state he was in. “Ain’t anyone’s fault. That big brain could probably calculate cause and effect probabilities forever, but you really shouldn’t. You'll drive yourself crazy, and be too scared to just live your life.” Pavel looked a little unsure but didn't argue.

“Thank you Leo.”

“No sense beating yourself up for things outside of your control.”

“I know, I don’t know why I thought of it at all.”

“Same reason I gave that pointy-eared bastard a damn hug. Grief does weird things to you.” Pavel scoffed softly.

“That was because you’re friends.” He said a wane smile on his face.

“Don’t be startin’ rumors, now.” Bones chided. The rest of the flight was relatively quiet, but it was no longer strained. Bones didn’t know how to feel about the fact that neither released the others hand for at lead an hour into their trip.


	23. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pavel's POV

When they reached Earth it was a surreal moment for Pavel to be back in Atlanta. It was so familiar and yet he could see a lot of change from the time that had passed.

“The shuttle shop is closed?” Pavel blurted out as they passed his old place of employment.

“Hmm? Yeah I heard he retired a few years ago.” Leo responded distractedly. Pavel wondered if he should try to contact his old employer. He wasn't sure if everyone would care to hear form him after all these years. They passed by one of the smoothie shops they used to hang around.

“Will Toby, Payton or the girls be here?” Pavel asked hopefully though he wasn’t sure how many of them would choose to stay in their hometown.

“Payton might show up, but not the others.” It wasn’t something they had talked about much, what became of their old friend group.

“They don’t live close?” Leo sighed.

“Pat and Liv do. Zaharah went back to her home world not long after graduation, and Toby,” He chuckled, “is apparently a very popular touring artist in the Elson V area.”

“That’s exciting!”

“Yeah, look Pavel…we didn’t really stay in touch after high school.”

“Why not?”

“I…cuz we didn’t. I don’t know. I just….I was having a hard time after….well….I kind of pulled away from them I guess. Pretty sure Liv hates me now. Some times you just lose touch.” He gritted out. Pavel stayed silent. He couldn’t imagine Livonia hating Leo. It also disheartened him to hear that Leo had run from someone again. Perhaps they had always been destined to break up. “Sorry, I don’t know why I keep antagonizing you.” Pavel didn’t know why either but he also didn’t know what to say to make it better.

“I’m sorry you lost touch with them, but you have made new friends.” He said instead. Leo smiled wryly and nodded in agreement. Pavel let him be. He knew how emotional Leo could be. That right now he was trying to hold it together so hard. He wished he could hold some of the weight for him. Instead he silently marked the differences in the city as the cab drove them home. 

When they arrived there was a slamming door before they were greeted with a very loud, “Daddy!” A girl with long dark hair ran across the yard right into Leo’s open arms.

“Hey, Sweet pea!” He said warmly as he hugged his daughter tightly. “You helpin’ out your gramma?”

“Yeah.”

“Good girl.” He smiled and kissed the top of her head. “Your mamma here?” He said a little more tersely than the rest of the greeting had been.

“No, Uncle Jack is though.” Her attention was then a Pavel, her sharp blue eyes reminding him of John's.   
“Who’s that?” She asked Leo.

“This is Pavel. We…he works on the Enterprise too. Pavel this is Johanna.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” He said stepping forward. Johanna seemed unsure and just stood staring for a moment.

“Hey, where are your manners?” Leo said bumping her arm.

“Nice to meet you too.” She said dutifully. “Do you want me to show you Gramma’s house?” Apparently she deemed Pavel okay.

“He’s already seen the house, he’s an old friend of Gramma and Pop-pop.” Leo then moved to get his luggage and ushered Pavel and his daughter inside. At the familiar kitchen table was an unfamiliar older man with grey hair and a beard.

“Hey kiddo.” He said solemnly and stood to embrace Leo.

“Hey, Uncle Jack. Where’s Momma?” He asked when they part. 

“She went to lay down.” The two held a weighted silence. ”You the freaky time-travelin’ kid?” Uncle Jack said turning to address Pavel. He was too surprised by the statement that he couldn’t do anything more than blink owlishly at him. Leo smacked his uncle on the arm.

“I need to teach you some manners too? Christ. Pavel, this is momma’s brother Jack. Jack this is Pavel, a Starfleet officer.” Leo intoned to the old man as if to stress he deserved respect.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Pavel shook the other man’s hand. He had heard a little about Dana’s brother, but they had never had occasion to meet.

“Well JoJo’s stayin’ here, so I’ll take the couch, you two can have the spare room.”

“Daddy look!” Jo showed up as if summoned, with a tiny medal. “My team got first place this year!” Leo took the medal to admire it for a moment.

“My little sports star!” He said smiling widely. There was a flurry of questions and activity after that; Jack wanted to know about time travel even though Pavel insisted he was unable to really tell him anything about it. JoJo seemed to be overjoyed to have her father home. Pavel got caught up in just watching them, and the love that shown so plainly on Leo's face as he listened to every word. He missed her too. Before he knew it he was ushered up stairs to their…Leonard’s old room.

“I thought we were going to be in the spare room.” Pavel said even as he set his bag down. 

“This is the spare room. JoJo took over the other room, painted it turquois and everything.” He said. “I can…sleep on the floor?” He murmured. Pavel had gone immediately to his side of the bed, his feet still used to the path.

“Leo, it’s fine. We can share a bed for a few nights. Unless you don’t want to?” Pavel was actually a little afraid that Leo’s hesitancy was from not waning to be around him anymore. Like he had said before he didn’t think he could ever act like they had nothing, no matter how complicated things were now.

“No, it’s …I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You make me feel a lot of things Leo, but not uncomfortable.” He answered honestly. Leo had a small smile on his face.

“Not sure if that was a compliment, but ditto.”

“Good.” Pavel said, perhaps they were not so far gone. “Johanna’s sweet. She’s very happy to see you.”

“Yeah, so am I. I’m gonna go see if momma’s awake. You can get settled everything’s probably in the same place.” Pavel nodded.

“I might hide for a bit from your Uncle.” He joked.

“Yeah, he can be a lot sometimes.” Leo left Pavel to look around the room. It was familiar and unfamiliar. It wasn’t decorated the same way. There was less in it. Gone was Leo’s vid screen and game controllers. There were a few boxes in the closet instead of clothes. Everything seemed a little colder a little less alive than when they had shared this room. In one of the drawers were a couple pairs of scrubs, a stethoscope and an old hospital ID. Pavel picked it up to look at. The photo was from years ago before Starfleet, but much older than his Leo. He wasn’t smiling. There were some other keepsakes in an old shoe box, Pavel weighed the morals of looking through it for quite a while.

After his snooping he steeled himself for another conversation with Uncle Jack, but luckily the other man was nowhere to be seen. He settled down stairs on the couch where Johanna was playing a game on her pad. She was trying really hard to be polite and not stare at him, but failing.

“Do you want to play a game?” she finally asked. Pavel smiled kindly at the little girl.

“Of course! What do you have?” She smiled brightly, and excitedly started a new game they both could play. Pavel wondered if the other adults were as likely to play with her like this. It reminded him of his own childhood, often having to play by himself.

“Pavel?” Dana and Leo both came out a short while later. They paused their game and he stood to embrace his surrogate mother, her eyes were puffy and red. It made him hug her tighter. ”I’m so happy to see you sweetie.” She smiled warmly at him. “We missed you like crazy.”

“It is…” was it good to back? Certainly not under these circumstances, “Strange being back, but I’m very glad to see you.”

“Do they feed either of you on that ship?” She said pinching his side lightly.

“Momma, I can tell you everyone is in perfect health on that damn ship.” Leo groused. JoJo gasped.

“Daddy, said a bad word!”

“Darn, I said darn.” He said quickly moving to the kitchen. “What does everyone want for dinner?”

“He did swear.” JoJo whispered to Pavel.

“Yes, he did.” He whispered back conspiratorially.


	24. Bedfellows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pavel's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this so short, it was actually supposed to be part of the last chapter.

John had died from a blow to the head. Some unsecured rebar fell. By the time they had gotten him to the hospital he was already gone. Jack told them the story after Dana excused herself for the night, and Leo had sent JoJo to bed.

Pavel was laying on his side staring distractedly at Leo, who was laying on his back, the light from his side table still on.

“Why are you staring at me?” He asked not looking away from whatever he was reading on his PADD.

“You need a shave.” He said instead of answering. Leo scoffed.

“I’ll shave in the morning if it bothers you so much.”

“It doesn’t bother me. I’m still adjusting to how things have changed.”

“Things like me?”

“Mmh, you couldn’t grow a beard before.” Leo laughed, but was still staring intently at his Padd, “What are you reading?”

“Nothing.” Again not looking away. Pavel moved quickly to see what the older man was so intent on, “Damnit Pavel.” He said trying to snatch it away.

“Head injury?” It shouldn’t be a strange thing for a doctor to be reading, but it was for Leo, here and now. “Leo.”

“I’m going to sleep.” He said turning the light off and turning away from him. Pavel turned his light on. “Pavel.” He grumbled.

“What did you tell me on the shuttle?” Pavel asked carefully. He was met with silence. “Why is it so different for you?”

“Because I could have done something.” He answered thickly.

“What? Cure death?” Silence again. “Would they have even let you treat your own father?” Pavel thought about the ID he had found and wondered if it had even been the same hospital. Leo made a chocked sound and rolled back to lie staring up at the ceiling. “Time was not on his side Leo. I think its been unfair to all of us.”

“Yeah.” He said wetly. Pavel took Leo’s hand and held onto his arm. There was an ache in his chest as they lay there just listening to each other breathing. One loss rolled into the other until he couldn't tell which one was making him feel this tight ball of grief. He rested his head against Leo's shoulder, not quite like he used to, but still so familiar that he could feel a sense of relief. He could only hope he made Leo feel the same when the other man ran his hand gently through his hair. He loved him in this moment, but he still wasn't sure what kind of love it was. Eventually Pavel turned his light off and the two lay with a small space between them.

“Good night Leo.”

“Good night Pavel.” Pavel slept soundly with the familiarity of the house and the man sleeping next to him lulling him to sleep.


	25. He Never Got to Ask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo's POV

Len got up first and tried his best to get out of bed without jostling it too much. He apparently failed as Pavel sat up suddenly, a wild look in his eyes. He visibly relaxed when he set eyes on Len.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake ya.”

“No, it’s not that.” He said rubbing his face. “I thought when I woke up here…just for a minute….” McCoy understood, Pavel’s sleep foggy mind assumed he was still in the past.

“Well, let my crow’s feet be a comfort to you that you are still in the here and now.” Pavel snorted.

“I think I will go for a run.” Len’s jaw tightened. It shouldn’t bother him that Pavel just wants to go for a run. He cleared his throat. “is that alright?” Pavel asked, so Len could be sure he wasn’t hiding his disgruntled feeling.

“Of course, but if you see an older version of me asking you to come with him, do me a favor and say ‘no’.” Len tried for a joke, but his jaw was still tight. Pavel’s brows knit together.

“Leo…”

“I’m serious.” He said still trying to keep his tone light and leaving the room as fast as possible. He heard Pavel leave as he busied himself in the kitchen taking out and putting away a couple different breakfast options. Eventually JoJo entered yawning. She hugged him with a sleepy but happy ‘good morning’. If that didn’t just brighten his day he didn’t know what would.

“You want some eggs?” She smiled and nodded. He was grateful for anytime he got to spend with her, especially like this without Joselyn hovering over them. One by one the rest of the family came in, Len kind of mindlessly cooking for everyone. It wasn’t until Pavel returned and gladly took a plate that Len realized he had made one of Pavel’s favorites. Scrambled with peppers on toast. 

He didn’t really know what to do with himself, the funeral wasn’t until tomorrow and his momma and uncle had already made all of the plans. He found himself in his dad’s study. There were pictures of himself from when he was younger. A lot more of JoJo than the last time he was home. There were some papers on his desk, god knows what for. His PADD was siting there waiting for him to come back. There was one of Joanna’s soccer balls on a stand, the careful writing of a 10-year-old in one of the patches. Len laughed despite himself. Of course, he would make her autograph a ball. One of the frames on his desk cycled through a couple of pictures. Len touched it to stop the slideshow. It was a picture of the two of them from when he was a little boy. He couldn’t even remember what they were doing, but they both seemed very focused on the remote in his hands. The same look on each face. He swiped to the next picture. It was his dad and Pavel. From when they went to the lake together. His dad seemed to be giving very detailed instructions on ‘smore making. Pavel simply looked on bemusedly. He swiped again and it was a picture of his mom and dad. It looked recent. They were laughing, both red faced, heads thrown back in joy.

“Len?” His mom stood at the door looking at him as if he might break.

“Hey ma.” He sniffled an wiped at his face, he hadn’t wanted to cry in front of his mom. She was already having a hard time of it.

“If you want something in here you should take it.” She said. Len shook his head, he didn’t know what he could want from here. Then he picked up the soccer ball, letting out a huffy chuckle. “Oh, good choice.” She said smiling a little. “That’s the game winning ball. It’ll be worth money some day.” She chocked a little as she finished. It seemed like something his dad would say. Maybe exactly what he said when JoJo had signed it. She started tearing up. Len dropped the ball and wrapped his arms around her tightly. “I don’t know what I’ll do.” She whispered.

“You’ll be ok mamma.” They stood like that for a while until they were composed enough to separate. “I feel like I've been put through the ringer one too many times.”

“Me too.”

“It’s good that you have Pavel back though, isn’t it?”

“Mom…”

“What?” 

“Pavel and I aren’t together.”

“Why not?”

“You mean other than the fact that I’m thirty and he’s a goddanm teenager?” 

“You watch your tongue, mister.”

“Sorry momma.” He cast his eyes down properly chastised for swearing in front of his mother.

“It’s…complicated and a huge mess and just the last thing either of us should be deciding on right now.”

“Okay.” She conceded begrudgingly. “Did you tell him?” Len clenched his jaw and kept his eyes on the floor. “Of course you didn’t.” She sighed.

“What good would telling him do?” It didn’t matter now anyway. Not to mention he didn’t think he would be able to take it if Pavel’s answer after all this time was no.

“You just aren’t lucky in love are you hun?” She said.

“Thanks” he said bitterly.

_Len was sitting in the yard as the sun set. He was tired; drained from a day of looking everywhere he could think of for his boyfriend. He wanted to keep looking, but he couldn’t think of where. He talked to his friends, all of them agreeing to help look and try to contact him. His dad was the one to call the cops about a missing person and that almost broke him. Len didn’t even know Pavel’s real name. He didn’t have the heart to tell his parents what Pavel had confided in him. Pavel had been hiding. What if whoever he was hiding from found him? Len was plagued with images of Pavel being thrown in a van and taken away. Of his Pasha crying for him to come to the rescue. He should have pushed more. Pressed him for answers, so that they could do something…anything. Pavel had just been so sure that it was the right thing. Len often forgot that the other boy actually wasn’t much older than him. He started to cry thinking of the worst happening to him. Len couldn’t dwell on that though. Pavel was alive and they would find him._

_His dad came out eventually and sat down next to him on the ground. Len didn’t say anything to him, just turned the ring box over in his hands. He had it all planned out, had to go to the jeweler and get the ring yesterday, was going to take him the pond where they ended their first date and ask Pavel to marry him. The longer time stretched on the less likely it seemed he would get the chance._

_“We’ll find him.” His dad said finally, but even Len could hear the hesitancy in his voice._

_“What if he left on purpose?” It was something else that worried Len. What if his genius boyfriend who dreamt of the stars finally got fed up with his aviophobic ass?_

_“Len, of course he didn’t.” He wrapped an arm around his son as Len started crying in earnest. ”You two had something special and he’s family. He’ll find his way home. You’ll see.” He said as he tried to hold his heartbroken son together._

Len looked outside to see Pavel and Johanna playing soccer in the yard. _You were right, dad._ Though he was grateful to finally have answers, he was frustrated that Pavel’s continued presence was dredging up all the things he had long put behind him. _But you don’t want him to go away either, do you?_ He thought bitterly. He went outside to join their game, nothing like a little easy serotonin to take his mind off his troubles. 

“Mind if I kick the ball around with you?” He shouted. Pavel and JoJo shared a look.

“You think you can keep up, old man?” Pavel answered in that teasing way he had. It always did something to him. A flirty challenge he could never turn down.

“I’ll show you ‘old man’!” He growled out. Pavel grinned and kicked the ball over to him. 

“Daddy we have uneven teams now!” Jo complained. “Uncle Jack, do you want to play?” She asked. Len looked over to see Jack sitting in a lawn chair not far away. He hadn’t even noticed he was out here.

“No, thank you.” He drawled, sipping on some iced tea.

“It’s ok, you two against me.” Len offered. Jo giggled.

“Okay.” She said sarcastically. 

He was at a bit of a disadvantage, but it was still a fun and friendly game. Which he lost spectacularly.

“Good job, sweet pea!” He crowed, giving her a sweaty hug.

“Eww.” She whined immediately pushing him away. 

He stripped his shirt off wiping at his face with it. He needed a shower anyway. When he looked up he caught Pavel’s eyes on him. They were dark and hooded, traveling the length of his chest before landing on his face and quickly looking away. _Was he checking me out?_ Len tried to keep in shape, but he wasn’t exactly a teenager anymore. He was too old for Pavel. _wasn’t he?_ Len decided to go back into the house, now in desperate need of a cold shower in lieu of jerking off to what would undoubtedly be images of the young ensign.


	26. Joselyn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pavel's POV

“Momma’s here!” JoJo exclaimed. Pavel tensed. Leo was still upstairs after his shower. Pavel was trying to get Dana to play a card game that they taught him when he lived here. He knew of Joselyn, but hadn’t talked to Leo about her that much. Whatever happened between them; everyone knew it was a sore spot for the doctor.

“Oh boy.” Dana huffed out in a put upon sigh. Pavel looked upstairs. He couldn’t help but feel like he was waiting for something, but he didn’t know what. He heard the front door open and close followed by JoJo speaking to her mother. Then came the heavy foot falls of Leo coming down the stairs. When he emerged at the bottom, hair still messy and damp wearing a soft t-shirt. Pavel felt the same kind of want pool in his belly as he had during their game. Leo even gave him a sly smile to further the feeling. 

He could see the moment he heard Joselyn’s voice, the change was immediate and shocking. There was no more smile and a hard set to his jaw. His brown eyes that made him look like a puppy dog only a second before were cold and too dark now. Pavel’s stomach dropped out. He hated that look, he wanted to make it go away. Leo made his way to the living room.

“Len…” Dana said, almost a warning, but there was no sign she was heard. It was quiet for a while and then Pavel could see JoJo walk around the corner toward her bedroom, calmly and with a small smile on her face. It was still quiet and Pavel thought for a few blissful moments that maybe he was worried for nothing. He shuffled cards mindlessly with no intention of dealing them. The voices grew steadily louder. Nothing he could make out exactly, but definitely not happy. JoJo emerged with a shirt or something when the other shoe finally dropped.

“I’m not screwing Pavel!” They all heard Leo shout. JoJo stopped sharply. Pavel moved before his mind really had a chance to catch up.

“Is this for your mother?” He asked JoJo taking the shirt from her, and she nodded. He gestured for her to go sit with Dana and rounded the corner to the living room.

“Keep your boy-toy away from my daughter!”

“Enough of this!” Pavel cut off whatever Leo was about to spit out. He tried his best not to shout, he didn’t want to add to the fighting. “Johanna is hearing all of this!” He hissed. Leo was staring at the floor properly chastised. Joselyn looked him up and down unkindly. She was a pretty woman with sandy blond hair and blue eyes.

“This doesn’t concern you.” She dismissed him coolly.

“The whole house can hear you shouting about me, so I disagree.” He replied as calmly as he could manage.

“Sorry Pavel.” Leo finally spoke up. He looked wounded, no trace of the hard anger he wore before. Pavel didn’t say anything. He couldn’t stand for him acting like this and he wasn’t ready to accept the apology. 

“Dana has been through enough, you can take your fight outside.” He stated firmly, handing the shirt to Joselyn. She snatched it up and scoffed.

“Kid, you can’t talk to me like that.”

“Kid or not, John said I should always think of this as home, so I am asking you to leave my house.” Pavel’s voice was low and serious. He saw the sting on Leo’s face when he realized he was speaking to the both of them. There were a few tense moments where Pavel worried Joselyn would start fighting again. Leo gently touched her arm and without much more than that she turned for the door and they both made their way outside. 

Pavel took a few minutes to just stand and breathe, he wasn’t sure if they would continue to fight once outside. He didn’t want them to, but it had to be at least a little better than here in the living room. He couldn’t believe that Leo would yell like that with his daughter in the house. Perhaps he really had changed too much. What would he have done if Leo had ever shouted at him like that? They had only had one fight that got that intense, and he regretted it with all his heart. He walked back into the kitchen taking a seat next to JoJo. Dana was comforting her, the poor girl looked so despondent.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

“Not your fault.” She muttered miserably.

“No, but I’m sad that you’re sad.” She didn’t say anything else, but leaned into him for a side hug.


	27. Apologies and Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo POV

“He’s a handful isn’t he?” Joselyn said flippantly as if they weren’t just read the riot act by someone over a decade their junior.

“Damnit.” Len closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “My dad just died.” He choked on the words, a part of him still willing them to not be true. “Can we not? Please?” He let his desperation color his words like he hadn’t wanted to, especially around her. He needed a break, he just need to get through this, couldn’t she see that?

“I’m sorry, Len.” She said this time with much more care and sincerity. He felt the tightness in his chest loosen and he nodded. A truce is all he really needed for now. “Good luck.” She added as she got into her car.

“Why good luck?”

“Because you have to go back in there.” She answered wryly. Len just nodded in understanding. She hesitated for a moment and then. “Take care Len.” He waved her off and took a few breaths before turning back to the house. This wasn’t going to be pretty.

His mom, Johanna, and Pavel were all sitting at the kitchen table. Johanna didn't look up.

“You two done?” His momma asked, but it felt like she was scolding him.

“Yeah.”

“You gonna be able to keep civil tomorrow?”

“Yeah, we’ll be okay. I’m sorry ma.” He said softly, not sure if that was an invite to sit down and join them.

“It’s alright I still love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Always could get under each others skin like no one I’ve ever known.”

“I know.” He murmured. It was one of the reasons he had left. He figured it would be less stressful for JoJo than hearing her parents fight all the time. All three of them looked at JoJo who was still staring at the table. It broke his heart to see. Pavel put a comforting hand on her back.

“Do you want to talk to your papa?” He asked her softly. It wasn’t for Len to hear, but he heard the ‘you don't have to' loud and clear. She didn't say no, but she still wasn't looking at him.

“I’m sorry sweetie. I know you don’t like it when we fight.” She didn’t say anything just shrugged. “We’re not gonna fight while I’m here.” She was quiet again, and for a few agonizing seconds Len thought he had really screwed up.

“Promise?”

“Yeah of course. We’ll be on our best behavior.”

“Why don’t you and momma like each other?” _God how could he explain that to a 10 year-old?_

“Sometimes people just don’t like each other. Your momma and me are just stubborn.” That sounded like a cop out even to his own ears. “We don’t get along, but we both love you. I’ll try to be better for you.” He said hoping he could keep up his end of this bargain.

“I love you too, daddy.” She said finally standing up from the table to give him a tight hug. He hugged her tight right back kissing the top of her head. “I don’t like it when you fight.” She whispered against his shoulder. 

“I know sweet pea. I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to hear that.” His mother was right. Pavel was right, they were both acting like children. There was the sound of a chair scraping on the floor made him look up in time to see Pavel going out the door.

“You're not going to fight with Pavel too, are you?.” She asked as she stood back.

“No, I think he deserves an apology too.” She looked at him skeptically. He was just never going to catch a break was he? “I'll get down on my knees if I have to.” He said seriously, surprised at how much he meant that.

“Good, Pavel's cool.” She said equally serious.

“Yeah he is, isn't he?” Len hugged her again, “You gonna be alright?” She nodded, giving him a small smile.  
Pavel was outside on the cushioned bench that his parents had bought a few years ago. He had his knees pulled up to his chest. It was a depressing sight.

“Hey.” Pavel looked at him, but didn’t say anything. “Look, I’m sorry. You were right, I was acting like an ass.” He sat next to him on the bench but didn’t move to touch him. 

“Why do you hate each other so much?” He sounded bitter. Of course he picked up on the non-answer he gave his daughter.

“That’s…”

“Complicated? Like us?”

“No, not that complicated. Just…difficult to talk about. I was away a lot, working. She…She fell in love with someone else. We were both hurt and we only have each other to take it out on.” 

“She hurt you?”

“We hurt each other. I…” Len let out a heavy sigh and propped his elbows on this thighs , not facing Pavel anymore. “Johanna was so young. How do you tell the mother of your child that you’re not in love with her anymore? So I just didn’t. I let everything fall apart instead.”

“You ran.” It wasn’t a question. Len nodded. “Ignored her like you tried to ignore me?”

“That’s different.”

“How?” Len didn’t know what to say, or maybe he did, but he didn’t want to say it out loud. “I don’t want you to look at me like you do her.” Pavel said finally.

“I won’t.” He promised. He was surprised to even hear him worry about that, he didn’t think it was possible. Pavel sat thought for a moment.

“If I had stayed you don’t think we would have stayed together.” Pavel said, it wasn't a question. 

“Like I said you can drive yourself crazy with what ifs. Besides we’d probably be dead.” He added. He told Pavel not to think of the what ifs, but it doesn’t mean he hasn’t been running through them for the last 14 years.

“What!” Pavel squawked sitting up straighter now. “Why?”

“If I was with you for long enough, there’s a good chance I would never have enlisted in Starfleet.”

“Why does that mean we would be dead?” Pavel asked incredulously.

“Jim. I snuck him onto the Enterprise during the Narada incident. He’s resourceful, so maybe he would have found another way, but…maybe not.” Len finished, seeing realization dawn on the young man’s face. Once it settled his brow furrowed and he hit Len in the bicep. “Ow!”

“You were going to let me stay there?” He replied. Len scratched the back of his neck.

“I don’t know I wasn’t thinking about that when I said you could stay!” He tried to defend himself. Pavel muttered something under his breath in Russian. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I only seem to make you angry or make you cry.” Len said miserably. “What do you want from me?” He finally asked softly. What a loaded question, Len must have been going for asshole of the year. 

“I want to sit out here and talk about good memories.” Pavel replied simply.

“Okay, I can do that.” Len smiled, he went inside and got a bottle of his dad’s good bourbon and brought it outside with a couple of glasses.

“I feel like we will get in trouble drinking this.” Pavel said when Len poured him a glass.

“Me too.” He chuckled. “We shared a glass when I finished medical school. Didn’t quite feel real then either.” He smiled and clinked his glass with Pavel’s.

“To Dad.”

“To John.” Pavel took a sip and grimaced.

“Really?” He asked incredulously, “You'll drink Scotty's special brew, which could peel paint of a car, but this isn't to your taste?”

“I drink it, I never said I like it.” He chuckled setting his glass down.

“Suit yourself.” He said taking another sip of his.

“I would talk to him while you were at practice. He knew I was interested in engineering, and he would tell me about the new auto builders. I think he wanted me to work with him eventually.” Pavel said. Len hummed in agreement.

“Gross underutilization of your skills.”

“I might have thought about it if I had stayed.” They were quiet for a while listening to the cicadas as it got closer to twilight. When Len heard a sniffle he looked at the other man, in the low light he couldn’t make out much, but Pavel swiped quickly at his face. “Sorry.” Len put his arm around him.

“You’re here to mourn too.” He whispered.

“He did give me a home.” Pavel said. “I mean…he said that if I wanted, I could stay here after you went to university. That I could think of this as home.”

“Yeah, that sounds like him. ” Len said smirking. Pavel nodded against his shoulder.

“I already knew I wanted to go with you but…it meant so much to me that he wanted me to have a home. That he wanted it to be here.” Pavel got more and more choked up as he continued. He hid his face against Len’s shoulder and the older man ran a soothing hand down his arm.

“I always wished I could be half the father he was.” Len mused idly. He could feel a lump forming in his throat. 

“You’re a good father Leo.” Pavel replied after a moment.

“You don’t know me as a father.”

“I’ve seen you with Jo. She adores you. She feels safe with you, and she thinks its amazing that you work for Starfleet.”

“How do you know all that?”

“She told me.”

“Oh. You’re good with her.”

“She is a good kid.” They sat in silence for a little longer. “Do you remember when you asked me about my parents?” Pavel asked. It took him a moment to realize he was talking about when they were together.

“Yeah, just knew you were really cagey about them. Now I know why.” Pavel nodded.

“The truth is, I didn’t want to talk about them because I missed them.” Pavel paused, Len didn’t know what to say. Of course he missed his parents. “I didn’t miss them that much when I was at the academy, or on the ship. But here…I was closer to them, and further away than I had ever been.” He was quiet again.

“Guess there’s a difference between not seeing someone and not being able to.” Len said softly. Pavel was pressed closely his hair tickling under his ear.

“Hikuru said I seemed different when I came back. I always had a goal, even when I was little. I worked hard, everyone supported my achievements. I suppose I had goals here, but they were different. Sometimes I felt like I needed you too much. Like you were my goal.” Len was stunned to hear him say that. “I look at life a little different now, I think. Because of you, because of your family. I had never been so dependent on other people before.”

“That makes it sound like a bad thing.”

“No,” He said after a moment of thought. “I don’t think so. I appreciate some things more now, like talking to my parents.” Pavel was quiet again.

“It’s crazy to hear you say you felt too needy.” Len finally replied.

“Why?”

“Because…” He blew out a long breath, how could he admit this without feeling embarrassed? “I felt like…when you were…gone…I thought maybe you left because I was too clingy.”

“Leo.” Pavel wrapped his arms around his middle. “I didn’t think that.”

“Not even when I had a panic attack about you leavin’?”

“That was because of your phobia.” Pavel insisted still holding him.

“Yeah, partially I guess, but that’s not really what I remember.” Pavel didn’t let go.

“I didn’t think you were clingy. I’m sorry for yelling at you. If I made you feel like that.”

“I’m sorry for yelling too. I’m sorry I…God I didn’t even apologize back then did I?” Len didn’t realize he could feel shittier today, but here he was.

“Thank you.” Pavel said. He didn’t let go. He lifted his head and Len could feel his breath fan across his face. He wasn’t sure who leaned in first, but they kissed slow and sweet at first then turning hungry. Len reacquainted himself with the person he loved. That thought made him pull back. Love was a big word, and he was in a state right now, but he couldn't deny that there was something there. Something he craved and was scared of at the same time.

“Y'all comin'? I got dinner!” Uncle Jack shouted as he headed into the house with take-out. They were pulled apart now, but there's no way he didn’t see what they were doing. Pavel's eyes were big as saucers a hand covering his mouth in shock.

“We should head inside.” Len finally said, scratching his neck awkwardly. Pavel just nodded standing and picking up their glasses. Len grabbed the bottle and followed, trying to ignore the way his lips were tingling, and his heart was beating too fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long, I've been having a difficult time physically and mentally. I'm determined to finish this I just don't know how long it will take me.


End file.
